At last- we are DTC! We started our Dossier in June of this year with the plan of finishing it by the end of December- a very luxuriously long amount of time to put a whole dossier together!
Our last documents arrived on Wednesday evening, and we went to fedex to copy the last pages and send the off to our agency. We captured the last minutes with our Dossier with a little video before sending it to our agency. Maddie gave it a little hug and we said "go to China!!" Our agency sent it off to China Today!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Breakfast with Santa
Sunday we had Breakfast with Santa! We had decided last year not to visit Santa, as it seemed too scary for Madeline at 1 1 /2, but this year I saw that a local restaurant was having a breakfast with Santa, and it seemed like the perfect thing!
It turns out, it was! No mall waiting lines, no, "it's our turn, you have to be ready now!", no stress! It was a buffet breakfast, and Santa was just in the front of the room, so kids just went one by one, whenever he was available! This is how Maddie saw Santa for most of the time we were there- cautious and from far away....
They gave all the kids little reindeer antlers- Maddie was having fun wearing hers!
Finally after seeing lots of kids go up to see Santa, Maddie decided she felt brave enough to go up to see him. She was too shy to be right next to him, so Santa suggested we switch sides so there was a "mama buffer" and she felt better about it then. She did manage to tell Santa that she wanted "A cuddly Blanket"- which is something she's been dreaming about since we saw this one particular one at Ikea a few weeks ago!
Afterwards, despite the fact she seemed pretty nervous about him while up there, she was very positive about the experience! Enthusiastic head shaking when we asked her if she liked Santa, and telling Grandma and Grandpa "I saw Santa!!" on the phone tonight.
She did great, and we LOVED the format of breakfast with Santa! We'll definitely be doing it again next year!
Kelli
It turns out, it was! No mall waiting lines, no, "it's our turn, you have to be ready now!", no stress! It was a buffet breakfast, and Santa was just in the front of the room, so kids just went one by one, whenever he was available! This is how Maddie saw Santa for most of the time we were there- cautious and from far away....
They gave all the kids little reindeer antlers- Maddie was having fun wearing hers!
Finally after seeing lots of kids go up to see Santa, Maddie decided she felt brave enough to go up to see him. She was too shy to be right next to him, so Santa suggested we switch sides so there was a "mama buffer" and she felt better about it then. She did manage to tell Santa that she wanted "A cuddly Blanket"- which is something she's been dreaming about since we saw this one particular one at Ikea a few weeks ago!
Afterwards, despite the fact she seemed pretty nervous about him while up there, she was very positive about the experience! Enthusiastic head shaking when we asked her if she liked Santa, and telling Grandma and Grandpa "I saw Santa!!" on the phone tonight. She did great, and we LOVED the format of breakfast with Santa! We'll definitely be doing it again next year!
Kelli
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Chinese Lesson
有女萬事足
Often the understanding of why so many girls are available for adoption from China is only half of the truth. Most people believe, "Chinese favor boys over girls, they don't want girls because they cannot carry on the family name or the family bloodline." But that is just half the story. To tell it that way, is almost an untruth, because it leaves out the role of women in Chinese society.
Mao himself even said, "Women hold up half the sky." The truth is, the ideal family by Chinese standards is 2 children- one boy, and one girl. Sounds an awful lot like a typical nuclear family, doesn't it? A good friend in Guangzhou was married several years ago, and in showing me her wedding photos, there were some photos of she and her husband receiving two big stuffed 'baby dolls'- one was a boy and one was a girl. It was a wish for them to have twins- one boy, and one girl.
The traditional role of boys and men in Chinese society is that they not only carry on the family name, but also the family bloodline, and more importantly, they are in charge of worshipping the ancestors. In Chinese culture, this is a very important task. If your ancestors are not happy, you will face many troubles in your life. This is a very interesting thing to consider. In the US, when a loved one dies, you mourn them for a certain period of time, depending on your closeness to them. A parent perhaps you actively mourn them for 6-10 years. A Grandparent who has reached a certain age may be actively mourned for fewer than 3 or 4 years. (And my 'actively mourned', I mean that you shed tears and are genuinely sad and get lost in thought about them at least a few times a year. Not a scientific definition, just what I am using for comparison of cultures here.) But once you pass those 3-5-10 year markers, you don't often think of that person. They are not a part of your life on a weekly, monthly or yearly basis. Let alone the great great great grandparents that you never met, how often do you think about them?
In Chinese Culture- those spirits remain on and remain impactful in your life. They need offerings to use for their life in the afterworld. If they are not properly worshipped by the oldest son according to cultural custom, they can bring pain and misfortune to your life. Thus is important that these people are actively remembered for many years after anyone still living even knew what they looked like. It's very different, but culturally important. Therefore, no son, no one to worship the ancestors, and much bad luck can befall your family.
Now conversely, in Chinese culture, girls are thought to be closer to their parents, more filial, more loving, more caring of their parents. However according to historical cultural tradition, the girls would move to their future husbands houses when they married, and usually required a big dowry to do so. Thus it was expensive to raise a girl who would not take care of you, or your acenstors, in your old age and after your passing. Having a girl could be considered a "luxury"- you had money to feed an extra child whom you knew would leave when she reached marrying age, and who would not take care of you later.
Which brings me to another point- "social security" in China is not what it is in the US. You put money into your children when they are young, and they take care of you financially when you are old. They also pay for their children when they are young, and their children take care of them when they are too old to work. Which points to another reason that boys are considered vital to a family. If a girl is to just go off and get married, and there is no son, the parents will have to work until they die, or how will they eat?
But back to the original point of this posting. "when you have a girl, everything is satisfied." Basically, it means this:
Boys are necessary for finances and families to function, but girls are what make parents feel loved and close and care about the family.
So having a girl, in China, to me, seems to be a luxury.
A lot of the historically cultural views are changing, particularly in larger cities. I have a handful of friends with daughters, but still many hold the old views. In many cases, it is the grandparents and extended family who hold the old views that "only a son" is necessary. But I think if the rule about only one child could be relaxed for more families in China, we'd see a lot more families with at least one girl.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I heart Matthew
Matthew being our USCIS officer- who was SO nice when I called today to enquire about the state of our I-800A.... he asked me a few questions, asked if I had an I 600 before (yes), and was I approved, denied or other? (Approved, and she is now 2 1/2, and very excited about the prospect of a little I800- he laughed), then he flipped through a few more papers, and told me he should be able to finish it up tomorrow morning and get it out to us! He absolutely made my day!
So Yes, today, I Heart Matthew. But of course I called Jeremy right away to tell him the good news!
So Yes, today, I Heart Matthew. But of course I called Jeremy right away to tell him the good news!
Friday, November 05, 2010
Back on my feet
came home from a week in Italy for work only to fall down on my behind with a nasty cold that had me laid out flat for a week solid and down for the count for a bit over 2 weeks! I'm happy to report that I am now feeling better, but unfortunately poor Jeremy now has it! :( I'm guessing I'm going to have to cancel the surprise babysitter I had lined up for our surprise date on Sunday.... he has a fever and is feeling rotten!
In other news, I spent an hour at our local copy center today photocopying and collating and organizing copies of dossier documents....followed by a quick trip to the post office for a couple of Money orders, then a trip later onto Fedex with a fat envelope of 10 (!) documents for the San Francisco Chinese consulate, and a thin envelope with 1 document for the New York Chinese consulate (via a courier service) for Consular athentication!!
I believe that means we only have 3 documents left to authenticate after this- our family application letter (which I actually can't remember if it needs to be authenticated, I need to check my last dossier!), our Marriage license (Apparently the city issued one is NOT the right one, it needs to be state issued but we found that out while in Salem, and the office is in Portland- go figure....), and finally, that long awaited I-800! But- the good news is, our fingerprint appointments were this week, so I'm hopeful we'll see our I-800 before Thanksgiving. It would be oh so sweet to just swing into the Secretary of State's office in Salem on the way down to California on the day before Thanksgiving! Fingers crossed- the timing is not too unreasonable...
IF that happens- we could possibly get our dossier to Madison by around Dec 15.... a few weeks ahead of plan- a Mid Jan LID would mean we could get matched as early as the February WC list release....
In other news, I spent an hour at our local copy center today photocopying and collating and organizing copies of dossier documents....followed by a quick trip to the post office for a couple of Money orders, then a trip later onto Fedex with a fat envelope of 10 (!) documents for the San Francisco Chinese consulate, and a thin envelope with 1 document for the New York Chinese consulate (via a courier service) for Consular athentication!!
I believe that means we only have 3 documents left to authenticate after this- our family application letter (which I actually can't remember if it needs to be authenticated, I need to check my last dossier!), our Marriage license (Apparently the city issued one is NOT the right one, it needs to be state issued but we found that out while in Salem, and the office is in Portland- go figure....), and finally, that long awaited I-800! But- the good news is, our fingerprint appointments were this week, so I'm hopeful we'll see our I-800 before Thanksgiving. It would be oh so sweet to just swing into the Secretary of State's office in Salem on the way down to California on the day before Thanksgiving! Fingers crossed- the timing is not too unreasonable...
IF that happens- we could possibly get our dossier to Madison by around Dec 15.... a few weeks ahead of plan- a Mid Jan LID would mean we could get matched as early as the February WC list release....
Friday, October 08, 2010
Latest News & Family pics
We are officially waiting for our fingerprint letter & I-800! It's been 2 weeks since we mailed it, so we still have a bit of a wait ahead of us, but it's the last document we need before we send our dossier off to China!
We have been begging friends to take family photos for us whenever possible for our dossier- this is a recent one from a nature walk in a local state park...
We went last week to the first ever FCC Family Camp in Oregon! I was a proud volunteer with my yellow bandana, but didn't have much of a job to do! Just happy to help with whatever I could! Chris & Kelly organized it and did such a great job, it all ran pretty amazingly smooth for a first time camp! Most people were very pleased with the experience! We know we loved it.
I'm heading to Italy for work for a week- not so great for our wee one or Jeremy, but I know they'll do great, and that I'll be eating well! Just wish they could come with me!
We have been begging friends to take family photos for us whenever possible for our dossier- this is a recent one from a nature walk in a local state park...
We went last week to the first ever FCC Family Camp in Oregon! I was a proud volunteer with my yellow bandana, but didn't have much of a job to do! Just happy to help with whatever I could! Chris & Kelly organized it and did such a great job, it all ran pretty amazingly smooth for a first time camp! Most people were very pleased with the experience! We know we loved it.I'm heading to Italy for work for a week- not so great for our wee one or Jeremy, but I know they'll do great, and that I'll be eating well! Just wish they could come with me!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Ode to Patty Cogen
One of the books I got last Christmas was Parenting your Internationally adopted Child, From the first hours together through the Teen Years by Patty Cogen. It sat on my shelf for about 6 or 7 months and I finally picked it up this summer to have look. So far I'm about half way through but I can't stop raving about this book to everyone for nearly every question I see online these days. Deborah Gray is well known and fantastic- when I saw her speak I was entranced. It was so positive- everything. My favorite phrase that I remember her saying is "we don't want kids to "bounce back", we want them to "bounce forward." That made so much sense. But her books are hard to get through. They are clinical, and while full of information, they don't absorb into my brain and stick with me in the same way that Patty Cogen's writing does. I would describe Patty's writing like "oatmeal"- you feel full a long time, you remember that you ate. Deborah Gray's writing is like a cookie- it's good, you can think back and remember a bit of it, but it's gone in a jiffy.
I am not one to underline books- I just don't write in books. But I don't pick up PYIAC without a pen or pencil in my hand, and I am constantly underlining things I'll want to easily access again.
here is one example:
The Polyvagal system is what regulates childrens emotions- it acts as a "footbrake", so how does this 'footbrake' develop?
"the first is sucking, we know that infants suck their tums in utero, and sucking is considered the first and primary means of self soothing...The second avenue is listening to the human voice, particularly a human voice that is directed at the child. third is the child's own vocalizing of others, and to sing to herself. The fourth is the child's developing capacity for perceiving in others, and then making her own facial expressions that convey emotions.
Okay, here's the stinger:
All four of these stimuli are embedded in the feeding experience of infants.
...Internationally adopted babies and toddlers have experienced repeated disruption in their feeding and care routines...many of these dopted children learned to feed themselves at an early age, and therfore missed out on early opportunities for stimulation of the vagus nerve during interactions with their mothers.
ta-dah! if you don't effectively develop this vagus nerve, you have trouble self regulating- and you are running on full speed ahead, or crash mode- very little "slow down" ability. We know this to be fact that most children from an orphanage situation in china will have had propped bottles. We said early on that our daughter was NOT to hold her bottle herself (made it clear to daycare providers) and explained, "she could teach a class in bottle holding- now we need to teach her how to let someone hold it for her and how to gain confidence in another person to take care of that need for her."
This book is seriously filled with tons of valuable insights like that above. And ideas- ideas of games, therapies, etc. One of them we started playing right away- it's done with a slinky. You each hold the end of a slinky and walk away from each other and say "away", then close together again and say "close" or "near" or "together". We added in a little hug when we came close again, and when one of us goes away (sometimes Maddie asks US to go far away, sometimes she goes far away) we talk about missing the other person, and if that makes us sad, and how happy we feel when our family is together. The first day after we started playing it, Jeremy came home from a few days out of town for work and they played it, and after 1x or 2x doing 'away' and 'close' she walked over to the sticker chart we had been using to count when Baba was coming home and said "Baba go away." It was the perfect opportunity to talk about how YES, Baba went away but then he came home, and he will always come home. I am grateful to have a book that gives us more tools in our "toolbox" to help our child become more and more the confident little girl she is!
I am not one to underline books- I just don't write in books. But I don't pick up PYIAC without a pen or pencil in my hand, and I am constantly underlining things I'll want to easily access again.
here is one example:
The Polyvagal system is what regulates childrens emotions- it acts as a "footbrake", so how does this 'footbrake' develop?
"the first is sucking, we know that infants suck their tums in utero, and sucking is considered the first and primary means of self soothing...The second avenue is listening to the human voice, particularly a human voice that is directed at the child. third is the child's own vocalizing of others, and to sing to herself. The fourth is the child's developing capacity for perceiving in others, and then making her own facial expressions that convey emotions.
Okay, here's the stinger:
All four of these stimuli are embedded in the feeding experience of infants.
...Internationally adopted babies and toddlers have experienced repeated disruption in their feeding and care routines...many of these dopted children learned to feed themselves at an early age, and therfore missed out on early opportunities for stimulation of the vagus nerve during interactions with their mothers.
ta-dah! if you don't effectively develop this vagus nerve, you have trouble self regulating- and you are running on full speed ahead, or crash mode- very little "slow down" ability. We know this to be fact that most children from an orphanage situation in china will have had propped bottles. We said early on that our daughter was NOT to hold her bottle herself (made it clear to daycare providers) and explained, "she could teach a class in bottle holding- now we need to teach her how to let someone hold it for her and how to gain confidence in another person to take care of that need for her."
This book is seriously filled with tons of valuable insights like that above. And ideas- ideas of games, therapies, etc. One of them we started playing right away- it's done with a slinky. You each hold the end of a slinky and walk away from each other and say "away", then close together again and say "close" or "near" or "together". We added in a little hug when we came close again, and when one of us goes away (sometimes Maddie asks US to go far away, sometimes she goes far away) we talk about missing the other person, and if that makes us sad, and how happy we feel when our family is together. The first day after we started playing it, Jeremy came home from a few days out of town for work and they played it, and after 1x or 2x doing 'away' and 'close' she walked over to the sticker chart we had been using to count when Baba was coming home and said "Baba go away." It was the perfect opportunity to talk about how YES, Baba went away but then he came home, and he will always come home. I am grateful to have a book that gives us more tools in our "toolbox" to help our child become more and more the confident little girl she is!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Family Reunion
Maddie LOVED Playing with Molly!
The first time that our group of cousins has had a group photo since...maybe when we were about 10? It was so great to see everyone!
My big sister
Heather made a cake for Grandma and Grandpa- my favorite part was "Established 1944"- very cute!
Here is all the family who was there that day...
Aunt Jenny made very cute crowns for the kids out of corkscrew willow fronds.
Here is our family...
The first time that our group of cousins has had a group photo since...maybe when we were about 10? It was so great to see everyone!
My big sister
Heather made a cake for Grandma and Grandpa- my favorite part was "Established 1944"- very cute!
Here is all the family who was there that day...
Aunt Jenny made very cute crowns for the kids out of corkscrew willow fronds.
Here is our family...
Friday, September 10, 2010
Vermont part 2
We ended up moving the family reunion to my Mom's house- this weeping willow was a little stick tree when I was young- now it's a beautiful huge tree that serves as a perfect backdrop to a photo for little ones, as well as a fun thing to run through! Oh I would have given anything to have a tree like this in our yard when we were growing up! It still astonishes me everytime when I drive to Mom's house and see BIG trees all around it- to me they are always and will always be just a few inches in diameter..
We also (Of course!) made sure to spend some time with one of my oldest and best friends- Lisa and her family. Halle is just a year older than Maddie and they are absolutely adorable together!
I think Halle was teaching Maddie the proper wand techniques for casting a spell (don't forget the white gloves) and Maddie was teaching Halle a dance step or two...
It makes me so happy that Maddie loves all of her Aunties- those who are biologically connected as well as those who we have welcomed as part of our family through trust and love and friendship.
We also (Of course!) made sure to spend some time with one of my oldest and best friends- Lisa and her family. Halle is just a year older than Maddie and they are absolutely adorable together!
I think Halle was teaching Maddie the proper wand techniques for casting a spell (don't forget the white gloves) and Maddie was teaching Halle a dance step or two...
It makes me so happy that Maddie loves all of her Aunties- those who are biologically connected as well as those who we have welcomed as part of our family through trust and love and friendship.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
A visit to Vermont
Last weekend we took a trip to Vermont for a surprise family Reunion for my grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa knew a bit less than a week ahead of time that it was happening, but it was pretty good that we kept it a secret that long since we had been planning it since MAY! 4 of us cousins are out of state, so we had all arranged to come to VT the same weekend.
Maddie loved getting tickles and hugs from Great Grandma!
Meg and Ana had a ton of fun playing together- they are, I think, 2 cousins, or maybe 2nd cousins twice removed. I have no idea. They are the children of two of my cousins.
Henry and Maddie had fun playing together- At first Henry wasn't so sure that he wanted to share the balls, until he realized that he could pick which ones to share....then he was happy to share and even happier to get his picture snapped!
Jeremy and Maddie on the flight out there- I had meant to upload a different picture...oops. too late now!
Maddie at the airport in Portland, Ready for a trip!
Maddie loved getting tickles and hugs from Great Grandma!
Meg and Ana had a ton of fun playing together- they are, I think, 2 cousins, or maybe 2nd cousins twice removed. I have no idea. They are the children of two of my cousins.
Henry and Maddie had fun playing together- At first Henry wasn't so sure that he wanted to share the balls, until he realized that he could pick which ones to share....then he was happy to share and even happier to get his picture snapped!
Jeremy and Maddie on the flight out there- I had meant to upload a different picture...oops. too late now!
Maddie at the airport in Portland, Ready for a trip!
Friday, August 06, 2010
A week at the coast
Last week we rented a coast house from some friends in Waldport, just a bit south of Newport. Jeremy was able to be there for just the weekend before coming back to work. Cindy & the girls along with Marie and the girls & big sister Aly were there, as well as Sharmila and new baby Gracelin who just came home from China on the 4th of July! It was a fun and rambunctious weekend!
It's good to know that even now that I'm a Mama, I can still be the big girls jungle gym (maybe it's a good thing???)
Maddie Loved the beach! She really really loved the water- I learned the true meaning of the word "parental sacrifice" when I knowlingly went into the icy cold water in 60 degree days for several days in a row....repeatedly losing feeling in my toes in order to see the laughter on my daughter's face...
After everyone left, Maddie and I took a trip to Newport to check out the butterfly exhibit...
Maddie's first day back to school this week turned out to be a very special day. It was her day to pick what went into the sensory table. This is my girl through and through: Sand, purple glitter, pink and purple tissue paper, pink and purple feathers, and sea shells. Or, Exploded Fairy as I like to call it.
And finally the summer has really hit and our garden is producing nicely! Maddie is holding the contents of our salad that night, carrots from seeds purchased in Scotland, peas, green beans, lettuce, radishes, and a hydrangea for atmosphere!
It's good to know that even now that I'm a Mama, I can still be the big girls jungle gym (maybe it's a good thing???)
Maddie Loved the beach! She really really loved the water- I learned the true meaning of the word "parental sacrifice" when I knowlingly went into the icy cold water in 60 degree days for several days in a row....repeatedly losing feeling in my toes in order to see the laughter on my daughter's face...
After everyone left, Maddie and I took a trip to Newport to check out the butterfly exhibit...Maddie's first day back to school this week turned out to be a very special day. It was her day to pick what went into the sensory table. This is my girl through and through: Sand, purple glitter, pink and purple tissue paper, pink and purple feathers, and sea shells. Or, Exploded Fairy as I like to call it.
And finally the summer has really hit and our garden is producing nicely! Maddie is holding the contents of our salad that night, carrots from seeds purchased in Scotland, peas, green beans, lettuce, radishes, and a hydrangea for atmosphere!
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
The Kennedy Update
We were at the beach for a week and just back to daycare yesterday. Almost first thing Kennedy saw us and said very strongly in her "I own the world voice"- MY MAMA! And this time I was a little less patient. I didn't yell, but I strongly said "NO Kennedy! I am NOT YOUR MAMA. I am Maddie's Mama, Not Kennedy's mama!" And she repeated it and I repeated mine again. Then Maddie and I went off to the side of the room to read a book (our morning custom) before I left, and Kennedy started crying to the teacher (after the teacher wouldn't let her come over to where we were) "No my Mama.....no my Mama, Maddie Mama...no my Mama...." I felt bad, but at the same time I was really glad she was verbalizing it, and I think Maddie heard it. And this morning, when we went into class and Kennedy was there? She said "My Yogurt!" You go girl, have all the yogurt you want. But this Mama is not yours. This is Maddie's Mama!
Friday, July 16, 2010
AdoptionTalk: Amy Eldridge of LWB Speaks
I found this online today through a link someone sent- if you have adopted SN, are considering SN, are waiting in the NSN line, or know someone who is adopting SN, this is worth reading!
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AdoptionTalk: Amy Eldridge of LWB Speaks:
The BEST adult session at the Chinese Heritage Camp was the talk by Amy Eldridge of Love Without Boundaries. She spoke about the changing face of Chinese adoption and about the current challenges of orphan care in China. It was emotional, informative, and fascinating. I'll try to report it all, but I hope others who were there will add anything I missed. Amy spoke for almost 2 hours, so I don't think I could possibly remember it all!Amy first talked about the immense changes in China adoption in the past 10 years. The landscape has changed considerably from the days when Chinese orphanages were filled with healthy infant girls who had been abandoned because of the government's one child policy and the social preference for boys. Now, the orphanages are filled with special needs kids, many critically ill. She reported that 98% of newly abandoned children in China have serious medical needs, which explains why 60% of adoptions in 2010 were special needs adoption.Why the significant change? First, she said, there has been a growth in more modern attitudes about girls. It is really only in the rural areas that the social preference for boys remains. Ten years ago, 85% of the Chinese population lived in rural areas. Now, only 50% are rural, 50% urban. With that urbanization has come more education, the internet, and the like, which has led to more modern attitudes. Second, there has been growth in the availability of ultrasound technology. Now, anyone who is pregnant can know the child's sex. Anyone who carries a girl to term does so knowingly and with every intention of parenting her. Those who want a boy instead will have an abortion. Third, domestic adoption in China is growing rapidly. That's caused in part by the public interest in adoption after all the news reporting about the orphans of the Sichuan earthquake. And another factor is the increased rate of infertility in China. One government agency estimates that as many as 40 million couples in China are infertile. Infertility is skyrocketing because of increased premarital sex without much sex education, causing increased rates of STDs and frequent abortions that might be less than sterile and because of environmental toxins and pollution. Domestic adoption is preferred by orphanage directors, because domestic adopters pay higher fees than international adopters. In Guangzhou, domestic adopters pay fees of $15,000 to the orphanage; in Hefei, the fee is $7,000 for domestic adopters. Most adoptions are handled on the county or provincial level, even though the CCAA now has a national office of domestic adoption. Orphanages just don't send the files of healthy infants for international adoption when they can place the child domestically.So, for these three reasons, there are fewer and fewer healthy infant girls available for international adoption. And there has been skyrocketing abandonment of special needs children. One reason for that is the increase in children in China born with birth defects. Birth defects in China have increased 40% since 2001. It is estimated that 1 in 8 to 10 children born in China have birth defects. There are a number of theories about why the rate of birth defects is so high in China, but most believe it is environmental exposure -- after all, in a recent list of the 20 "dirtiest" cities in the world, 16 of them were Chinese cities. In one area of Shaanxi Province, where there is considerable coal production and other environmental hazards, it's reported that the birth defect rate is 85%.Special needs children get abandoned because of the stigma associated with disabilities and/or because of medical costs. Extended family, espcially the mother-in-law, will insist that a disabled child be abandoned becasue the child is considered unlucky, a curse on the family. Children with visible disabilities will be refused education, and when they grow up will have difficulty finding a job. Medical costs can be too high for a family to bear -- there is no health insurance, no free health care in China. All health care has to be paid for up front. Even if you're in an accident, you won't be treated until your family shows up to pay the bill first. There are no emergency rooms in China. Poor families will abandon their children in the hopes that they will receive health care in the orphanage. Amy said LWB has to be careful about media reports in China, because if there is a story about them doing medical work in an area there's a sharp spike in the abandonment of special needs kids there. She also talked about my FAVORITE fund at LWB, the Unity Fund, which provides free life-saving medical treatment so that poor families don't have to abandon a sick child. I think we all know that adoption is not the solution to the orphan crisis, only preventing children from being orphaned in the first place will solve it.So how has the increase in special needs abandonment affected orphan care in China? Think about how overwhelmed nannies might be with a room full of healthy kids to take care of. Now think how overwhelming it would be with the same nannies with the same training or lack thereof and the same resources taking care of a roomful of special needs kids. Amy talked about walking into a typical orphanage "baby room" and thinking it should be a hospital ward instead. Nannies will also have the same fear of "unlucky" disabled children as others in China, and may not want to care for a child with albinism or a visible disability.Two of the biggest needs, then, are education/training for orphanage staff and financial resources. LWB does both. Some of their training is with orphanage directors to help them prepare files on special needs kids to submit for adoption. They sometimes have to encourage the directors to submit files, since the directors will harbor the belief that no one would want to adopt a child with particular disabilities. They also help them make the files more appealing, like encouraging them to have the children smiling in their referral picture, something that culturally isn't the norm in China. Amy related that she told a group of 100 directors in a meeting that it was especially important for the boys to be smiling, since Americans were less willing to adopt boys. She said the room simply erupted in disbelief. They absolutely couldn't believe that girls would be preferred to boys! The directors are still more likely to submit files on boys than girls.The poorest orphanages in China might get from the government only $25 per child per month, and formula could cost $20 per child per month. Then there is salaries for nannies, power, clothes, other food, and there isn't much left over for medical care. Those orphanages that haven't done international adoptions don't have loyal parents who are willing to help out; adoptive parents want to help their child's orphanage.The CCAA has two initiatives for medical treatment of special needs kids, but both have their limitations. First is the Tomorrow Plan which provides surgeries for orphans. They've funded 6,000 cleft surgeries alone since its inception in 2004. But it takes too long to process applications, so it can't help children who are in immident need for surgeries or other medical treatment. The plan also designates the hospitals the orphanage must use, and in some areas, the orphanages refuse because they feel the designated hospital is inadequate. The second program is the Blue Sky Initiative. China is building mega-orphanages that can house 600 children, and has on-site medical care and therapy. But there are none in rural areas. And, in places with such mega-orphanages, they are pulling children out of foster care to return them to the orphanage. Amy says they are watching closely to see if there are worse outcomes for children no longer in foster care.Even with these initiatives and with all LWB and other orphan care organizations can do, Amy said that adoption into a loving home does more for a child than anything else. In China there is a significant stigma about being an orphan. In many areas, orphans cannot go to school outside the orphanage, and in the areas where they can go, they go to the worst schools. They won't be admitted into better schools because parents won't pay for their children to go to school and sit next to an orphan. Companies wouldn't hire an orphan, either, since orphans are considered bad luck. LWB paid for the schooling for the first orphan in Guangzhou to go to and graduate from college. She earned a degree in accounting, and couldn't find a job because employers were afraid that she would bring bad luck to the financial bottom line. She eventually found a job with a foreign company. Another orphan who graduated teacher's college was hired by LWB because no one else would.Amy also said that adoptive parents need to be prepared before adopting. When they have seen disruptions of adoption in China -- where adoptive parents decide not to go through with a special needs adoption even before returning home -- it's usually because they have not been adequately prepared. She received a call from a family who had switched from the NSN program to the special needs program to adopt a cleft child who had been an LWB child. LWB had repaired her lip, though her palatte repair needed to be done when she was older. Amy knew the child was perfectly healthy, chubby, interactive -- everything you'd want from a institutionalized child. The dad said to her, "Do you know that when she drinks her bottle, milk comes out of her nose?" Duh, yes, Amy knew that and the family would have known that if they had read ANYTHING about cleft-affected children. Finally, Amy talked about orphanage conditions that adoptive families need to be aware of, so they can understand some of the issues their children may face. First, as to attachment, APs need to be aware that children may have had numerous changes in caretakers. A child might spend time with birth parents, especially since there's been an increase in older-child abandonment in China. Then the child might spend time with the person who found her, who thought she might keep the baby before the neighbors or extended family said she wouldn't be allowed to.So the child is turned over to the police, who might keep the child for a few days before turning the child over to the orphanage. The child might be in quarantine for a month at the orphanage who is trying to avoid the spread of HIV or Hep C. Then the child enters the young infant room, and then in a few months to the older infant room, and then the toddler room or foster care. And the child in foster care may be returned to the orphanage for two weeks before the adoptive parents come. With a special needs child who might have had hospitalizations and/or surgeries, the child would likely be alone at the hospital through all of this. The orphanage can't spare the nanny who might have been the primary caregiver, so they might send a groundskeeper to take the child to the hospital and then leave her alone. In Chinese medicine, there is a great reluctance to give children pain medication, so post-operative time will be painful and scary for a child alone. All of this affects attachment.Second, children may have feeding issues. Overcrowded orphanages don't have the time to hand-feed children, so bottles are propped and often boiling hot. Solid food is beyond the resources of the orphanage, and most orphanages can't afford meat. Newborns might wait 5-6 hours between feedings. Infants might wait 12 hours. There won't be between-meal snacks for toddlers or older children. Children are often hungry all the time, never feeling full. From this, you can expect aversion to certain food textures, no ability to suck, food hoarding, gorging, no off-switch when eating because no feeling of being full.Third, children might experience "irrational" fears that aren't so irrational after all. They would often be alone in the dark at night, with only a skeleton orphanage staff on hand. There might be bugs and rats in the dark. Fear of the dark, of thunderstorms, of animals, of bugs, are not irrational fears for these children. Adoptive parents can't know what their children experienced in the orphanage, so must be understanding of these fears.Whew! That's all I remember -- if you were there, and want to add or correct, please comment! As I said, it was an amazing presentation. I was happy to meet Amy Eldridge and thank her at the end of her presentation, and she was kind enough to say she loved my blog (brag, brag)! If you ever have an opportunity to hear Amy speak, run, don't walk, to hear her!
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AdoptionTalk: Amy Eldridge of LWB Speaks:
The BEST adult session at the Chinese Heritage Camp was the talk by Amy Eldridge of Love Without Boundaries. She spoke about the changing face of Chinese adoption and about the current challenges of orphan care in China. It was emotional, informative, and fascinating. I'll try to report it all, but I hope others who were there will add anything I missed. Amy spoke for almost 2 hours, so I don't think I could possibly remember it all!Amy first talked about the immense changes in China adoption in the past 10 years. The landscape has changed considerably from the days when Chinese orphanages were filled with healthy infant girls who had been abandoned because of the government's one child policy and the social preference for boys. Now, the orphanages are filled with special needs kids, many critically ill. She reported that 98% of newly abandoned children in China have serious medical needs, which explains why 60% of adoptions in 2010 were special needs adoption.Why the significant change? First, she said, there has been a growth in more modern attitudes about girls. It is really only in the rural areas that the social preference for boys remains. Ten years ago, 85% of the Chinese population lived in rural areas. Now, only 50% are rural, 50% urban. With that urbanization has come more education, the internet, and the like, which has led to more modern attitudes. Second, there has been growth in the availability of ultrasound technology. Now, anyone who is pregnant can know the child's sex. Anyone who carries a girl to term does so knowingly and with every intention of parenting her. Those who want a boy instead will have an abortion. Third, domestic adoption in China is growing rapidly. That's caused in part by the public interest in adoption after all the news reporting about the orphans of the Sichuan earthquake. And another factor is the increased rate of infertility in China. One government agency estimates that as many as 40 million couples in China are infertile. Infertility is skyrocketing because of increased premarital sex without much sex education, causing increased rates of STDs and frequent abortions that might be less than sterile and because of environmental toxins and pollution. Domestic adoption is preferred by orphanage directors, because domestic adopters pay higher fees than international adopters. In Guangzhou, domestic adopters pay fees of $15,000 to the orphanage; in Hefei, the fee is $7,000 for domestic adopters. Most adoptions are handled on the county or provincial level, even though the CCAA now has a national office of domestic adoption. Orphanages just don't send the files of healthy infants for international adoption when they can place the child domestically.So, for these three reasons, there are fewer and fewer healthy infant girls available for international adoption. And there has been skyrocketing abandonment of special needs children. One reason for that is the increase in children in China born with birth defects. Birth defects in China have increased 40% since 2001. It is estimated that 1 in 8 to 10 children born in China have birth defects. There are a number of theories about why the rate of birth defects is so high in China, but most believe it is environmental exposure -- after all, in a recent list of the 20 "dirtiest" cities in the world, 16 of them were Chinese cities. In one area of Shaanxi Province, where there is considerable coal production and other environmental hazards, it's reported that the birth defect rate is 85%.Special needs children get abandoned because of the stigma associated with disabilities and/or because of medical costs. Extended family, espcially the mother-in-law, will insist that a disabled child be abandoned becasue the child is considered unlucky, a curse on the family. Children with visible disabilities will be refused education, and when they grow up will have difficulty finding a job. Medical costs can be too high for a family to bear -- there is no health insurance, no free health care in China. All health care has to be paid for up front. Even if you're in an accident, you won't be treated until your family shows up to pay the bill first. There are no emergency rooms in China. Poor families will abandon their children in the hopes that they will receive health care in the orphanage. Amy said LWB has to be careful about media reports in China, because if there is a story about them doing medical work in an area there's a sharp spike in the abandonment of special needs kids there. She also talked about my FAVORITE fund at LWB, the Unity Fund, which provides free life-saving medical treatment so that poor families don't have to abandon a sick child. I think we all know that adoption is not the solution to the orphan crisis, only preventing children from being orphaned in the first place will solve it.So how has the increase in special needs abandonment affected orphan care in China? Think about how overwhelmed nannies might be with a room full of healthy kids to take care of. Now think how overwhelming it would be with the same nannies with the same training or lack thereof and the same resources taking care of a roomful of special needs kids. Amy talked about walking into a typical orphanage "baby room" and thinking it should be a hospital ward instead. Nannies will also have the same fear of "unlucky" disabled children as others in China, and may not want to care for a child with albinism or a visible disability.Two of the biggest needs, then, are education/training for orphanage staff and financial resources. LWB does both. Some of their training is with orphanage directors to help them prepare files on special needs kids to submit for adoption. They sometimes have to encourage the directors to submit files, since the directors will harbor the belief that no one would want to adopt a child with particular disabilities. They also help them make the files more appealing, like encouraging them to have the children smiling in their referral picture, something that culturally isn't the norm in China. Amy related that she told a group of 100 directors in a meeting that it was especially important for the boys to be smiling, since Americans were less willing to adopt boys. She said the room simply erupted in disbelief. They absolutely couldn't believe that girls would be preferred to boys! The directors are still more likely to submit files on boys than girls.The poorest orphanages in China might get from the government only $25 per child per month, and formula could cost $20 per child per month. Then there is salaries for nannies, power, clothes, other food, and there isn't much left over for medical care. Those orphanages that haven't done international adoptions don't have loyal parents who are willing to help out; adoptive parents want to help their child's orphanage.The CCAA has two initiatives for medical treatment of special needs kids, but both have their limitations. First is the Tomorrow Plan which provides surgeries for orphans. They've funded 6,000 cleft surgeries alone since its inception in 2004. But it takes too long to process applications, so it can't help children who are in immident need for surgeries or other medical treatment. The plan also designates the hospitals the orphanage must use, and in some areas, the orphanages refuse because they feel the designated hospital is inadequate. The second program is the Blue Sky Initiative. China is building mega-orphanages that can house 600 children, and has on-site medical care and therapy. But there are none in rural areas. And, in places with such mega-orphanages, they are pulling children out of foster care to return them to the orphanage. Amy says they are watching closely to see if there are worse outcomes for children no longer in foster care.Even with these initiatives and with all LWB and other orphan care organizations can do, Amy said that adoption into a loving home does more for a child than anything else. In China there is a significant stigma about being an orphan. In many areas, orphans cannot go to school outside the orphanage, and in the areas where they can go, they go to the worst schools. They won't be admitted into better schools because parents won't pay for their children to go to school and sit next to an orphan. Companies wouldn't hire an orphan, either, since orphans are considered bad luck. LWB paid for the schooling for the first orphan in Guangzhou to go to and graduate from college. She earned a degree in accounting, and couldn't find a job because employers were afraid that she would bring bad luck to the financial bottom line. She eventually found a job with a foreign company. Another orphan who graduated teacher's college was hired by LWB because no one else would.Amy also said that adoptive parents need to be prepared before adopting. When they have seen disruptions of adoption in China -- where adoptive parents decide not to go through with a special needs adoption even before returning home -- it's usually because they have not been adequately prepared. She received a call from a family who had switched from the NSN program to the special needs program to adopt a cleft child who had been an LWB child. LWB had repaired her lip, though her palatte repair needed to be done when she was older. Amy knew the child was perfectly healthy, chubby, interactive -- everything you'd want from a institutionalized child. The dad said to her, "Do you know that when she drinks her bottle, milk comes out of her nose?" Duh, yes, Amy knew that and the family would have known that if they had read ANYTHING about cleft-affected children. Finally, Amy talked about orphanage conditions that adoptive families need to be aware of, so they can understand some of the issues their children may face. First, as to attachment, APs need to be aware that children may have had numerous changes in caretakers. A child might spend time with birth parents, especially since there's been an increase in older-child abandonment in China. Then the child might spend time with the person who found her, who thought she might keep the baby before the neighbors or extended family said she wouldn't be allowed to.So the child is turned over to the police, who might keep the child for a few days before turning the child over to the orphanage. The child might be in quarantine for a month at the orphanage who is trying to avoid the spread of HIV or Hep C. Then the child enters the young infant room, and then in a few months to the older infant room, and then the toddler room or foster care. And the child in foster care may be returned to the orphanage for two weeks before the adoptive parents come. With a special needs child who might have had hospitalizations and/or surgeries, the child would likely be alone at the hospital through all of this. The orphanage can't spare the nanny who might have been the primary caregiver, so they might send a groundskeeper to take the child to the hospital and then leave her alone. In Chinese medicine, there is a great reluctance to give children pain medication, so post-operative time will be painful and scary for a child alone. All of this affects attachment.Second, children may have feeding issues. Overcrowded orphanages don't have the time to hand-feed children, so bottles are propped and often boiling hot. Solid food is beyond the resources of the orphanage, and most orphanages can't afford meat. Newborns might wait 5-6 hours between feedings. Infants might wait 12 hours. There won't be between-meal snacks for toddlers or older children. Children are often hungry all the time, never feeling full. From this, you can expect aversion to certain food textures, no ability to suck, food hoarding, gorging, no off-switch when eating because no feeling of being full.Third, children might experience "irrational" fears that aren't so irrational after all. They would often be alone in the dark at night, with only a skeleton orphanage staff on hand. There might be bugs and rats in the dark. Fear of the dark, of thunderstorms, of animals, of bugs, are not irrational fears for these children. Adoptive parents can't know what their children experienced in the orphanage, so must be understanding of these fears.Whew! That's all I remember -- if you were there, and want to add or correct, please comment! As I said, it was an amazing presentation. I was happy to meet Amy Eldridge and thank her at the end of her presentation, and she was kind enough to say she loved my blog (brag, brag)! If you ever have an opportunity to hear Amy speak, run, don't walk, to hear her!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Daycare woes
So we’ve had this issue recently at daycare- not a huge deal, but concerning.
There is a little girl in Maddie’s class named Kennedy. She’s a sweetie, they’ve been in class together for quite some time, but she can be a bit of a “boar.” I wouldn’t say bully, but she is an “in your face” kind of girl. We’ve had a few biting incidents, but mostly I wonder if that was influenced by the other main “biter” in class who is now no longer in class (yay!!!) Anyway, biting aside, she is very much an in your face sort of child.
So two weeks ago- the Friday before 4th of July weekend, I brought Maddie into her room in the morning and as always, Kennedy was already there and Maddie and I sat down to read a book. Kennedy often will come to see or hear the book we read, but she was very forceful about trying to sit on my lap. I patted a pillow and said “no, you sit here Kennedy” and Maddie was getting visibly upset. Kennedy, who had already said “MY BALL!” when we walked in the room and “MY BOOK” when I said Maddie and I were going to read a book, started saying “MY MAMA!!!” several times. The teacher pulled her away at this point and sat her on her lap. Well, that entire weekend Maddie kept bringing this up and saying “No Kennedy Mama. Kennedy Mama?”- in a very anxious sort of way. We talked a lot about “Only Maddie’s Mama”, and tried to go through “Who are the people in our family? Mama, Baba, Maddie.” A few times she added “Kennedy and laughed and said “Kennedy Mama”. This was NOT her joking about it, this was her testing. To explain it this way, it sounds like she’s joking about it, but it was not. I know my child and this is her testing to see what my reaction will be.
On Tuesday last week Maddie was sick, so on Wednesday when we came to daycare, I asked the assistant director if we could drop off in another room that week so we wouldn’t have the Kennedy interaction- he said it would be fine. I saw Kennedy a few times and it wasn’t until Friday when I was there to pick Maddie up that Kennedy looked at me again and said “My Mama!”- I tried to cover it and say “Yeah, Kennedy’s Mama is coming soon”, but Maddie STILL was bringing it up a bunch this weekend- “no Kennedy Mama”- so this weekend when she brought it up, we went through the “who is in our family” and “who is whose Mama” games again. “What’s Kennedy’s Mama’s name?” (she knows it.) What’s your mama’s name? (she knows it.)
So this morning, I decided that we would read a book in her room before going to the morning drop off room. This way we would minimize the time that I’m in the room with she and Kennedy. Happy happy, fun times, good books. Well I go to drop her off in the drop off room and I was in there not 2 minutes before Kennedy said “My Mama! My Mama!” and it wasn’t once, but 3 or 4 times right in a row. The Teacher started gently correcting her and saying “no, that’s Maddie’s Mama…” but she kept saying loudly “My Mama!” Maddie totally got the deer in the headlights look and stonefaced, so I grabbed her and took her quickly to the hallway and said, “who’s Mama am I?” and she said “Maddie”- “that’s right, I’m Maddie’s Mama. Not Kennedy’s Mama.” “No Kennedy Mama”. Then talked for a few minutes about what we’d do after school (to try to get her thinking about something else), and I gave her a hug and a kiss bye bye in the hallway, and brought her into the room and said bye and left quickly.
The teacher was trying, she REALLY was. I don’t fault the teacher. We just need to find a solution to this. I stopped on the way out to talk to the assistant director (director is out for the week) and he said “maybe we can ask the teacher to make sure Kennedy is engaged in some activity”- I said that didn’t help because she is the ONLY one in the room in the morning, and as soon as Maddie comes she is very aware that Maddie is there.
Because this has happened 3 times now, I decided it was maybe time to talk with her Mom about it. We work together and I told the assistant director that I was going to mention it to Kennedy’s Mom. I explained and she said “Well that’s Kennedy, she takes ownership of everything”, and then she said that unless she did it in front of her, she couldn’t discipline her. I tried to explain, “no, it’s not discipline, but maybe you could talk about who is in your family, whose mama is who, etc….” She said again, “Well unless she does it in front of me there isn’t anything I can do…” UGH!!! Really?? You cannot control what your child says, but if someone is telling you that on a regular basis your child is claiming THEM as “my mama” (she said “she knows who her Mama is”), then you might consider talking about WHO their Mama is and WHO is NOT their Mama. It’s like saying “I didn’t see my kid hit that other kid, I’m not going to talk to them about it.” If another parent said to me “hey Maddie always wants to hug me when I am at daycare and it makes me uncomfortable”, you BET that we would start talking about “who do you hug” and “who do you wave to”, etc. But no. This parent is choosing not to care or do anything and saying “Oh Kennedy, that’s just the way she is.” Oh yeah, that’s healthy.
There is a little girl in Maddie’s class named Kennedy. She’s a sweetie, they’ve been in class together for quite some time, but she can be a bit of a “boar.” I wouldn’t say bully, but she is an “in your face” kind of girl. We’ve had a few biting incidents, but mostly I wonder if that was influenced by the other main “biter” in class who is now no longer in class (yay!!!) Anyway, biting aside, she is very much an in your face sort of child.
So two weeks ago- the Friday before 4th of July weekend, I brought Maddie into her room in the morning and as always, Kennedy was already there and Maddie and I sat down to read a book. Kennedy often will come to see or hear the book we read, but she was very forceful about trying to sit on my lap. I patted a pillow and said “no, you sit here Kennedy” and Maddie was getting visibly upset. Kennedy, who had already said “MY BALL!” when we walked in the room and “MY BOOK” when I said Maddie and I were going to read a book, started saying “MY MAMA!!!” several times. The teacher pulled her away at this point and sat her on her lap. Well, that entire weekend Maddie kept bringing this up and saying “No Kennedy Mama. Kennedy Mama?”- in a very anxious sort of way. We talked a lot about “Only Maddie’s Mama”, and tried to go through “Who are the people in our family? Mama, Baba, Maddie.” A few times she added “Kennedy and laughed and said “Kennedy Mama”. This was NOT her joking about it, this was her testing. To explain it this way, it sounds like she’s joking about it, but it was not. I know my child and this is her testing to see what my reaction will be.
On Tuesday last week Maddie was sick, so on Wednesday when we came to daycare, I asked the assistant director if we could drop off in another room that week so we wouldn’t have the Kennedy interaction- he said it would be fine. I saw Kennedy a few times and it wasn’t until Friday when I was there to pick Maddie up that Kennedy looked at me again and said “My Mama!”- I tried to cover it and say “Yeah, Kennedy’s Mama is coming soon”, but Maddie STILL was bringing it up a bunch this weekend- “no Kennedy Mama”- so this weekend when she brought it up, we went through the “who is in our family” and “who is whose Mama” games again. “What’s Kennedy’s Mama’s name?” (she knows it.) What’s your mama’s name? (she knows it.)
So this morning, I decided that we would read a book in her room before going to the morning drop off room. This way we would minimize the time that I’m in the room with she and Kennedy. Happy happy, fun times, good books. Well I go to drop her off in the drop off room and I was in there not 2 minutes before Kennedy said “My Mama! My Mama!” and it wasn’t once, but 3 or 4 times right in a row. The Teacher started gently correcting her and saying “no, that’s Maddie’s Mama…” but she kept saying loudly “My Mama!” Maddie totally got the deer in the headlights look and stonefaced, so I grabbed her and took her quickly to the hallway and said, “who’s Mama am I?” and she said “Maddie”- “that’s right, I’m Maddie’s Mama. Not Kennedy’s Mama.” “No Kennedy Mama”. Then talked for a few minutes about what we’d do after school (to try to get her thinking about something else), and I gave her a hug and a kiss bye bye in the hallway, and brought her into the room and said bye and left quickly.
The teacher was trying, she REALLY was. I don’t fault the teacher. We just need to find a solution to this. I stopped on the way out to talk to the assistant director (director is out for the week) and he said “maybe we can ask the teacher to make sure Kennedy is engaged in some activity”- I said that didn’t help because she is the ONLY one in the room in the morning, and as soon as Maddie comes she is very aware that Maddie is there.
Because this has happened 3 times now, I decided it was maybe time to talk with her Mom about it. We work together and I told the assistant director that I was going to mention it to Kennedy’s Mom. I explained and she said “Well that’s Kennedy, she takes ownership of everything”, and then she said that unless she did it in front of her, she couldn’t discipline her. I tried to explain, “no, it’s not discipline, but maybe you could talk about who is in your family, whose mama is who, etc….” She said again, “Well unless she does it in front of me there isn’t anything I can do…” UGH!!! Really?? You cannot control what your child says, but if someone is telling you that on a regular basis your child is claiming THEM as “my mama” (she said “she knows who her Mama is”), then you might consider talking about WHO their Mama is and WHO is NOT their Mama. It’s like saying “I didn’t see my kid hit that other kid, I’m not going to talk to them about it.” If another parent said to me “hey Maddie always wants to hug me when I am at daycare and it makes me uncomfortable”, you BET that we would start talking about “who do you hug” and “who do you wave to”, etc. But no. This parent is choosing not to care or do anything and saying “Oh Kennedy, that’s just the way she is.” Oh yeah, that’s healthy.
Friday, July 02, 2010
A few updates- Pics
The music room in progress, although it's now finished so I need to get new updated pics in here! Soundproof & ready for the first band rehearsal in it on Thursday!
Inside the Greenhouse- again...a bit outdated since these beans are all in the ground by now!
We bought ladybugs for the garden, Maddie had a great time with them- "helping" them out of the package!
And checking to make sure that they were staying in the garden...
She loved watching them climb on her arm!
This one made a bit more progress....it's like a beauty mark...that moves!
This will tell you how old the photos are... for Fathers day we went up to Astoria for the day- we rode the train and walked around and explored, and we even went to check out the original Goonies house. The big 25 year anniversary of the filming of the movie was just a few weeks earlier, but it was still exciting to see it even without celebration going on!
Astoria has a little train that runs back and forth along one side- Maddie LOVED the train and so did we. The interior wood and original windows reminded me a bit of the Star ferries in Hong Kong- always a beloved sight when I am there!
She looks a little angry in this picture but I swear it's a smile! Notice the sweet wooden seat backs? Just like on the Star Ferry, they flip to either side of the seat so you don't have to ride backward, but can face the person you are sitting with if you want. Very nice! gorgeous hardware in it! As I recall, they got the train for a pretty low price because it needed a lot of work to restore it- they did an amazing job!Friday, June 25, 2010
A new Must Read book
For all families with Children from China or waiting to bring home their children from China, this book is a must read. Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother is a collection of stories and interviews with birthfamilies in China. That vastly oversimplifies the book to state in in such a way, but it is the best "quick" explanation I can put together right now. I have read another of Xinran's books and she is a wonderful author. The translation is superb, the subject matter is interesting, the insight is invaluable.
You will not be able to put this book down if you buy it. I read it in just a few days and I am already planning to re-read it this weekend.
I also just discovered that she has an english language blog:
http://www.xinranbooks.co.uk/blog/
I feel often that there is a real lack of knowledge in MUCH of the Chinese adoption community about real chinese culture. I'm not talking about celebrating chinese new year or eating mooncakes at full moon festival. I'm talking about not feeling anger towards your children's birth family because you can understand that the combination of culture and laws have created a situation under which your child came to be separated from their birth family. If your child at an older age wants to feel anger, that is their perogative, and as parents we must be supportive of that range of emotions that our children may experience. But it is not for us to tell them what their feelings are. And it is not for us to lead the way when it comes to feeling negative feelings towards their birth country. There are a few books that I feel can really help adoptive families to feel compassion, understanding, and really LEARN about China, the history, the previous situation in the 90's, and the current situation with child abandonment in China.
First is WILD SWANS by Jung Chang. This impressive book follows 3 generations of women in China from the time of Warlords and concubines (Grandmother), through the Nationalists and the Communists battle to the top (Mother), through the Cultural revolution (daughter). This book is long but it is also filled with information from a wide expanse of history, brought together in one place and presented in a very readable manner.
The second is Wanting a Daughter, Needing a son: Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage care in China. This book is a collection of papers done over several years about the above mentioned topics in China. Also easy to read and put together in easy to digest chunks-as I recall one of the papers are too long so you can easily read one, spend some time to digest it, and come back on another day to read another. There is clearl and well researched data here that I have never seen anywhere else, and I feel strengthened in my ability to understand and feel compassion towards the possible circumstances for my own daugther's abandonment because of having read this book.
The third book is Xinran's new book- Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother. This book is presented as a series of short stories or rather interactions with birth families and people somehow connected to adoption in China as recently as 2006 or 2008. This book, among these 3, is the one that is probably most shocking and eye opening, but in a positive way. A dear friend called me when she started reading it and said to me in a very sort of shocked way, "I thought I knew, oh my gosh, I just thought I knew. I've done all this reading and I have learned so much but now there is this, I just thought I knew...." It was a little Wizard of oz-esque where Dorothy's house lands in OZ and she opens the door and she sees that EVERYTHING she held as true and reality was suddenly dumped on it's head. This whole other truth exists and she had no idea until just that moment.
Reading Xinran's book is a bit like that. You thought you knew the truth, but it expands the world for you to see probably just a few more of the possible scenarios under which our children may have been abandoned. You cannot have a heart and finish that book without feeling complete compassion for the families within it's pages.
Our new agency requires the adoptive Parents to do book reports on 3 books each to show they are educating themselves about adoption. I have a bookshelf of books to choose from, I wonder what 3 it will be in the end? I have no doubt Xinran's book will be among them.
You will not be able to put this book down if you buy it. I read it in just a few days and I am already planning to re-read it this weekend.
I also just discovered that she has an english language blog:
http://www.xinranbooks.co.uk/blog/
I feel often that there is a real lack of knowledge in MUCH of the Chinese adoption community about real chinese culture. I'm not talking about celebrating chinese new year or eating mooncakes at full moon festival. I'm talking about not feeling anger towards your children's birth family because you can understand that the combination of culture and laws have created a situation under which your child came to be separated from their birth family. If your child at an older age wants to feel anger, that is their perogative, and as parents we must be supportive of that range of emotions that our children may experience. But it is not for us to tell them what their feelings are. And it is not for us to lead the way when it comes to feeling negative feelings towards their birth country. There are a few books that I feel can really help adoptive families to feel compassion, understanding, and really LEARN about China, the history, the previous situation in the 90's, and the current situation with child abandonment in China.
First is WILD SWANS by Jung Chang. This impressive book follows 3 generations of women in China from the time of Warlords and concubines (Grandmother), through the Nationalists and the Communists battle to the top (Mother), through the Cultural revolution (daughter). This book is long but it is also filled with information from a wide expanse of history, brought together in one place and presented in a very readable manner.
The second is Wanting a Daughter, Needing a son: Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage care in China. This book is a collection of papers done over several years about the above mentioned topics in China. Also easy to read and put together in easy to digest chunks-as I recall one of the papers are too long so you can easily read one, spend some time to digest it, and come back on another day to read another. There is clearl and well researched data here that I have never seen anywhere else, and I feel strengthened in my ability to understand and feel compassion towards the possible circumstances for my own daugther's abandonment because of having read this book.
The third book is Xinran's new book- Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother. This book is presented as a series of short stories or rather interactions with birth families and people somehow connected to adoption in China as recently as 2006 or 2008. This book, among these 3, is the one that is probably most shocking and eye opening, but in a positive way. A dear friend called me when she started reading it and said to me in a very sort of shocked way, "I thought I knew, oh my gosh, I just thought I knew. I've done all this reading and I have learned so much but now there is this, I just thought I knew...." It was a little Wizard of oz-esque where Dorothy's house lands in OZ and she opens the door and she sees that EVERYTHING she held as true and reality was suddenly dumped on it's head. This whole other truth exists and she had no idea until just that moment.
Reading Xinran's book is a bit like that. You thought you knew the truth, but it expands the world for you to see probably just a few more of the possible scenarios under which our children may have been abandoned. You cannot have a heart and finish that book without feeling complete compassion for the families within it's pages.
Our new agency requires the adoptive Parents to do book reports on 3 books each to show they are educating themselves about adoption. I have a bookshelf of books to choose from, I wonder what 3 it will be in the end? I have no doubt Xinran's book will be among them.
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Month of May...
has somehow Flown by! After coming back from Scotland in late April, we took an immediate trip to California for the US version of Jennifer & Robins' wedding. Here is Maddie playing on the couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house...
Having a little snack with Cousin Dax & Logan
Don't cry Kimmiemaela!
Never too old for bubbles!
A little quality time with Baba
Playing with cousin Daxx...
A picture of the cousins...
At home playing again- "Hide" from Baba!
A send off for Sharmila- on her way to get her baby girl Gracelin in China!
Maddie loved her Birthday phone- here she is calling Grandma!
Having a little snack with Cousin Dax & Logan
Don't cry Kimmiemaela!
Never too old for bubbles!
A little quality time with Baba
Playing with cousin Daxx...
A picture of the cousins...At home playing again- "Hide" from Baba!
A send off for Sharmila- on her way to get her baby girl Gracelin in China!
Maddie loved her Birthday phone- here she is calling Grandma!It's Official!
We have started our papework to adopt a second daughter from China!
Madeline had a nickname before I found her real name- I called her "Sprout" for a few years until I finally could decide on her name. It wasn't until about 6 months before I saw her photo for the first time that I had officially decided on a name, but Sprout was a good placeholder!
So when we thought to start our paperwork again, I asked my friend Mei to help us with a nickname for "sprout part deux"- I thought, something along the lines of "little sprout" in Chinese. She helped me come up with the name Xiao Mei- which is actually the same Mei in her name. No it's not "Mei" for little sister, it's Mei for plum blossom- so she is- for now- Xiao Mei- or, Little Plum blossom"
We have turned in our homestudy application and gotten the first round of fingerprints. Our homestudy visit is tomorrow, and Jeremy asked me a few days ago, "So, does this mean we are Paperwork Pregnant?" Yes dear, we are.
Let the journey begin! (again!)
Madeline had a nickname before I found her real name- I called her "Sprout" for a few years until I finally could decide on her name. It wasn't until about 6 months before I saw her photo for the first time that I had officially decided on a name, but Sprout was a good placeholder!
So when we thought to start our paperwork again, I asked my friend Mei to help us with a nickname for "sprout part deux"- I thought, something along the lines of "little sprout" in Chinese. She helped me come up with the name Xiao Mei- which is actually the same Mei in her name. No it's not "Mei" for little sister, it's Mei for plum blossom- so she is- for now- Xiao Mei- or, Little Plum blossom"
We have turned in our homestudy application and gotten the first round of fingerprints. Our homestudy visit is tomorrow, and Jeremy asked me a few days ago, "So, does this mean we are Paperwork Pregnant?" Yes dear, we are.
Let the journey begin! (again!)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
My life is different
Because I have a child from China, being in China is different than before.
I now scan faces, in the factories I visit, on the streets, in the market.
I scan faces for similarities to those children I know from the area I'm in.
I scan faces for any trace of evidence that this woman had to make what could have been the most difficult decision of her life, or that such a decision had been made for her.
I scan faces of pregnant women, wondering what their childs fate will be- will they be fortunate enough to grow up loved and strengthened by the love of their birth family? Or will their lives be changed forever by a single decision?
I scan the streets for young girls and boys playing by themselves and I think, please, don't let these children be one of "Those Children"- those children who are kidnapped and sold in far away provinces as a son for a family or as a bride where there are not enough girls.
I scan the faces of girls working in the factories who look barely 16 and wonder if they are one of the unlucky ones who "aged out" of an orphanage before a family could love them. (legally the minimum age is 18, but I've heard that "there are ways" to get documentation showing you are 18)
I scan road sides and alleys looking for something I hope never to see. A small bundle, a box with a moving blanket.
I scan.
I now scan faces, in the factories I visit, on the streets, in the market.
I scan faces for similarities to those children I know from the area I'm in.
I scan faces for any trace of evidence that this woman had to make what could have been the most difficult decision of her life, or that such a decision had been made for her.
I scan faces of pregnant women, wondering what their childs fate will be- will they be fortunate enough to grow up loved and strengthened by the love of their birth family? Or will their lives be changed forever by a single decision?
I scan the streets for young girls and boys playing by themselves and I think, please, don't let these children be one of "Those Children"- those children who are kidnapped and sold in far away provinces as a son for a family or as a bride where there are not enough girls.
I scan the faces of girls working in the factories who look barely 16 and wonder if they are one of the unlucky ones who "aged out" of an orphanage before a family could love them. (legally the minimum age is 18, but I've heard that "there are ways" to get documentation showing you are 18)
I scan road sides and alleys looking for something I hope never to see. A small bundle, a box with a moving blanket.
I scan.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday in Guangzhou
We take a break from this description of Scotland to bring you a trip to china...the Scotland trip recap will resume after the China trip...sorry but TOO much travel too close together!
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Arrived in Guangzhou this morning via Hong Kong and as soon as I stepped off the plane I felt a familiar wave of heat and smell of China. There is a feeling you get, when you’ve become comfortable with a place, that makes it feel like coming home. There are only a few in my life. Vermont- Vermont has a feel and a smell and a look such that when I step off the plane, I recognize that “I am home” feeling. I don’t mean the “home to my home”, but you are coming to a place that is relaxing and you are comfortable with and you can consider “another home.” I grew up in Vermont so it’s not exactly a far cry to feel like going to Vermont is “coming home”, because it kind of is. Another place that I get that feeling is when I walk into a textile factory. I get the feeling and the view of the machines and the familiar smell of grease mixed with heat and I it makes me feel comfortable, confident. I know what I’m looking at and I know what to expect. I feel, at home, like “this is a place I belong.” And the third place that has this effect on me, besides my real and actual home of course, is now China. As soon as I get off the plane I am met with the humid air- almost a wall of heat, sometimes hotter than others, the smell of sweat and perfume and food, people jostling through the gangway in a way not so dissimilar to what you see on the street and in markets and in the roads. I feel confident and relaxed and I know that I’m going to see wonderful things.
The hotel car that I was told was arranged for me in fact was not, so I had to change money at the airport and take a Taxi. Not too big a deal except that I am now the (proud?) owner of my first ever counterfeit 100 Yuan bill. For every person I’ve said “oh that’s never happened to me, the likelihood is so small….”- my apologies. It genuinely sucks when it happens. There it is, this bright new red and white bill with Chairman Mao looking appropriately presidential and it’s completely and totally fake. I tried using it at 3 different places before someone finally explained to me why they wouldn’t take it. I thought it was that the corner was ripped. In fact at the second place- my favorite restaurant, I sent THEM back with one of the 20’s they gave me because it was ripped- I thought, if they are not taking my ripped 100, I am surely not getting stuck with their ripped 20. Turns out the rip had nothing to do with everyone’s refusal to take it, it was that the bill was too smooth. Mao’s coat had no texture. I’ve learned my lesson- check every bill, at least the 50’s and 100’s.
After an early check in at the hotel and a shower, I popped over to Shamien Island for a little shopping and baby spying. I had the taxi driver drop me at the White Swan because I could remember the chinese for the White swan hotel, but not for the Victory. I was blown away by two major changes inside the white swan:
1) it was filled with chinese families with chinese children. They were touring around, on vacation perhaps, most probably just drop in sightseers like myself.
2) I did not see a single adoptive family while I walked through the hotel to get out the back door. I even stopped and peeked down on the lower “stage” area where everyone gets their picture taken with the waterfall behind them. Nope, none there either.
This really goes to show how much adoption from China has slowed. In the early years of waiting, you’d see at least a half a dozen families just walking through the white swan. Even on the Island I think I only saw 2 maybe 3 families the entire time I was walking around! I had heard that Shamien Island was pretty torn up, and they were right. It may be less that there are so fewer people coming to adopt (although there are) and more that families are choosing to stay off the Island for now. Several MORE shops are shut down even compared with the already reduced number just 14 months ago. Shamien Island is a changing place, it’s true.
After some shopping it was time to head down to the chinese medicine college on Shamien Island for a foot massage. #55 is a miracle worker. My feet & back feel fantastic now that they’ve had a little rejuvenation after the flight! Thanks #55…
Finally it was time to catch a cab to visit Tita and Taylor and their new son Bo Jun, or Ke Ke as they nicknamed him. I walked up to the white swan as there are ALWAYS taxis there to be found. I was faced with yet another sign of the times when I arrived and waited, along with several other people, 25 minutes before a cab came! Not because there were so many people in line, there were, but it was because there were simply no cabs coming! Is even the White swan suffering this downturn?
Finally a cab came & took me across town to the northern part of Guangzhou to my dear friend Tita and her husband Taylor’s house for a visit. Tita is a new Mommy as of a month and a half ago, and I was not going to miss this opportunity to see her new son! He is absolutely adorable! A sweet sweet sweet little boy with a round face and very round cheeks! He has a mass of beautiful black hair covering his head, although the poor thing probably wishes he did not in this heat! He has perfect little fingers and adorable little ears. He is just a perfect little boy in every way! Tita’s Mom and Taylor’s Mom are both staying with them right now helping out- in fact Tita’s Mom has been there since I was in China meeting Madeline a year ago March! Finally a baby came and she has been taking good care of Tita- both Grandma’s have. I had not planned to stay a long time on my visit, because I thought Tita would be tired and I didn’t want to overstay my welcome, but in the end, I was sorry I had not given myself more time to just relax and spend time with them! We had a nice visit and Tita’s Mom gave me some rice wine & Egg soup (yes, that literally is the name of it)- it was something new I’d never had before and it was quite good! I watched Taylor’s Mom cook in the kitchen a bit- such skill, I wish that I could just follow a Chinese Grandma around and learn to cook from one for a few weeks!
When it was time to come home, it was thundering and lightening outside, so Taylor arranged a car to take me back to the hotel. It was fortunate because with all of the rain, there would not have been any taxi’s to be had and the description of the bus to the subway sounded a little too difficult for my jet lagged state!!!
What a long day!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arrived in Guangzhou this morning via Hong Kong and as soon as I stepped off the plane I felt a familiar wave of heat and smell of China. There is a feeling you get, when you’ve become comfortable with a place, that makes it feel like coming home. There are only a few in my life. Vermont- Vermont has a feel and a smell and a look such that when I step off the plane, I recognize that “I am home” feeling. I don’t mean the “home to my home”, but you are coming to a place that is relaxing and you are comfortable with and you can consider “another home.” I grew up in Vermont so it’s not exactly a far cry to feel like going to Vermont is “coming home”, because it kind of is. Another place that I get that feeling is when I walk into a textile factory. I get the feeling and the view of the machines and the familiar smell of grease mixed with heat and I it makes me feel comfortable, confident. I know what I’m looking at and I know what to expect. I feel, at home, like “this is a place I belong.” And the third place that has this effect on me, besides my real and actual home of course, is now China. As soon as I get off the plane I am met with the humid air- almost a wall of heat, sometimes hotter than others, the smell of sweat and perfume and food, people jostling through the gangway in a way not so dissimilar to what you see on the street and in markets and in the roads. I feel confident and relaxed and I know that I’m going to see wonderful things.
The hotel car that I was told was arranged for me in fact was not, so I had to change money at the airport and take a Taxi. Not too big a deal except that I am now the (proud?) owner of my first ever counterfeit 100 Yuan bill. For every person I’ve said “oh that’s never happened to me, the likelihood is so small….”- my apologies. It genuinely sucks when it happens. There it is, this bright new red and white bill with Chairman Mao looking appropriately presidential and it’s completely and totally fake. I tried using it at 3 different places before someone finally explained to me why they wouldn’t take it. I thought it was that the corner was ripped. In fact at the second place- my favorite restaurant, I sent THEM back with one of the 20’s they gave me because it was ripped- I thought, if they are not taking my ripped 100, I am surely not getting stuck with their ripped 20. Turns out the rip had nothing to do with everyone’s refusal to take it, it was that the bill was too smooth. Mao’s coat had no texture. I’ve learned my lesson- check every bill, at least the 50’s and 100’s.
After an early check in at the hotel and a shower, I popped over to Shamien Island for a little shopping and baby spying. I had the taxi driver drop me at the White Swan because I could remember the chinese for the White swan hotel, but not for the Victory. I was blown away by two major changes inside the white swan:
1) it was filled with chinese families with chinese children. They were touring around, on vacation perhaps, most probably just drop in sightseers like myself.
2) I did not see a single adoptive family while I walked through the hotel to get out the back door. I even stopped and peeked down on the lower “stage” area where everyone gets their picture taken with the waterfall behind them. Nope, none there either.
This really goes to show how much adoption from China has slowed. In the early years of waiting, you’d see at least a half a dozen families just walking through the white swan. Even on the Island I think I only saw 2 maybe 3 families the entire time I was walking around! I had heard that Shamien Island was pretty torn up, and they were right. It may be less that there are so fewer people coming to adopt (although there are) and more that families are choosing to stay off the Island for now. Several MORE shops are shut down even compared with the already reduced number just 14 months ago. Shamien Island is a changing place, it’s true.
After some shopping it was time to head down to the chinese medicine college on Shamien Island for a foot massage. #55 is a miracle worker. My feet & back feel fantastic now that they’ve had a little rejuvenation after the flight! Thanks #55…
Finally it was time to catch a cab to visit Tita and Taylor and their new son Bo Jun, or Ke Ke as they nicknamed him. I walked up to the white swan as there are ALWAYS taxis there to be found. I was faced with yet another sign of the times when I arrived and waited, along with several other people, 25 minutes before a cab came! Not because there were so many people in line, there were, but it was because there were simply no cabs coming! Is even the White swan suffering this downturn?
Finally a cab came & took me across town to the northern part of Guangzhou to my dear friend Tita and her husband Taylor’s house for a visit. Tita is a new Mommy as of a month and a half ago, and I was not going to miss this opportunity to see her new son! He is absolutely adorable! A sweet sweet sweet little boy with a round face and very round cheeks! He has a mass of beautiful black hair covering his head, although the poor thing probably wishes he did not in this heat! He has perfect little fingers and adorable little ears. He is just a perfect little boy in every way! Tita’s Mom and Taylor’s Mom are both staying with them right now helping out- in fact Tita’s Mom has been there since I was in China meeting Madeline a year ago March! Finally a baby came and she has been taking good care of Tita- both Grandma’s have. I had not planned to stay a long time on my visit, because I thought Tita would be tired and I didn’t want to overstay my welcome, but in the end, I was sorry I had not given myself more time to just relax and spend time with them! We had a nice visit and Tita’s Mom gave me some rice wine & Egg soup (yes, that literally is the name of it)- it was something new I’d never had before and it was quite good! I watched Taylor’s Mom cook in the kitchen a bit- such skill, I wish that I could just follow a Chinese Grandma around and learn to cook from one for a few weeks!
When it was time to come home, it was thundering and lightening outside, so Taylor arranged a car to take me back to the hotel. It was fortunate because with all of the rain, there would not have been any taxi’s to be had and the description of the bus to the subway sounded a little too difficult for my jet lagged state!!!
What a long day!
Friday, May 07, 2010
Last day in Orkney and getting to Edinburgh
On our last day in Orkney, the others left in the morning on the first ferry. We had one glorious long day partly to ourselves and party with Jennifer and Robin! It was a relief to have the stress of the wedding behind us all and a break from the impatient ones. Little did I know the comments could get worse, but I learned a few weeks later that it could. 'nuff said. THIS day was beautiful and relaxed. We were leaving on the night ferry, so we packed our things in the morning so we were ready to go.
Later we took a trip to one of the close by beaches- can anyone identify this? We could not, but they were all over the beach! I think the hole must be from a clam, but what about the "sand poop"?
Maddie was so excited about the water and not anxious to pose for a family photo, as you can see by the disagreeable look on her face!
This beach was not super long, but it was plenty long for our purposes and very pretty. We quickly found some sea glass and sea poreceline, which I had never seen before coming to Jennifer's and seeing it there!
Maddie walked over to Jennifer and Robin at one point, took them both by the hands, and started walking with them. It was absolutely adorable! We sure wish they lived closer so we could see them more often!
Later we took a trip to one of the close by beaches- can anyone identify this? We could not, but they were all over the beach! I think the hole must be from a clam, but what about the "sand poop"?
Maddie was so excited about the water and not anxious to pose for a family photo, as you can see by the disagreeable look on her face!This beach was not super long, but it was plenty long for our purposes and very pretty. We quickly found some sea glass and sea poreceline, which I had never seen before coming to Jennifer's and seeing it there!Maddie walked over to Jennifer and Robin at one point, took them both by the hands, and started walking with them. It was absolutely adorable! We sure wish they lived closer so we could see them more often!
The newlyweds! They were so generous to keep us all in their house, but after a week solid of house guests both in this house and in the house Robin had been staying in, I'm sure the smiles in this photo may have been partly due to our imminent departure, and them finally having some quiet time to themselves to really relax and enjoy the start of their new lives together!
It sure was hard saying goodbye to Jennifer and Robin- only made easier knowing that we'd see them in California in just a few weeks for the US version of the wedding! Maddie blew lots of kisses and Jeremy and I daydreamed about just sending for our things and staying on Stronsay...
waving goodbye from the pier...
A view of the ocean and some of the Islands...
As the Volcano ash was still in the air, our flight was not flying, so with Jennifer and Robins help, we had found another way down to Edinburgh. The ferry arrived around 7:30 in the evening to Kirkwall, then an overnight ferry would take us (leaving about midnight) to Aberdeen, where we could get a train. While on the ferry from Stronsay to Kirkwall we saw a couple, Ruth and David, who were at the wedding. We had a wonderful conversation with them, and when they received a text message that there was a cabin available for them on the Aberdeen boat, they called and checked whether it was a 2 or 4 berth cabin. It was a 4 berth cabin and they felt so bad for us being on the boat with no cabin available, they arranged for us to stay in the cabin with them! How fortunate!
We also saw Isabelle who is one of the first people that Jennifer met when she went to Stornsay. She is now living in Kirkwall and invited us all over to her house for tea before we caught the ferry to Aberdeen. We explained we had just planned to wait in the Kirkwall hotel reading room and take the bus to the ferry, as we had no car, but she said she would come and get us after we had some dinner! So kind! So we had her phone number and all made a plan (David & Ruth also) to meet up at Isabelle's for tea later.
We walked off the boat and over to a fish and chips shop to get some dinner- who do we see inside but Isabelle! so we all sat and had dinner there, then Isabelle brought us right away to her house, and immediately her daughter Rhoda (she has a "grandmothers flat" attached to her daughter's house) came over and started playing with Maddie! It was very relaxing to have her entertained by someone else!
Isabelle asked us when we all arrived if we wanted a "copper". She had just complimented us on not having too much trouble with the Orcadian accent, so I admit I was terribly embarassed that I just had no idea what she was talking about! With both Jeremy and I looking at her blankly she said, "cuppa Tea or Cuppa coffee?" Ahhh! Cuppa! not copper! oh....now we get it!
David & Ruth came after they finished their dinner, and when it came time to go to the ferry, Rhoda gave us a ride to the ferry.
Inside the ferry terminal- Maddie slept through a good part of this, as it was 11:30 at night!
The main desk inside the ferry! I was so surprised! It looks as fancy as any Asia hotel that I stay in!
Our berths! Maddie slept in bed wiht me and she slept very well! She woke up just once and I was able to get her back to sleep very quickly!
When we got to Aberdeen, we walked over to the train station and after a short wait, we got our train to Edinburgh. Maddie loved the snacks on the train...(kamut from home!)
And she loved watching the scenery go by!
Maddie and Baba
Beached boats waiting for the water to come back in...
we saw several fields of daffodils
Mama and Maddie
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