The doors, preschool style

Maddie loves to dance, and she loves to dress up. Add the two together, plus a little Doors on the stereo and she is a happy girl!

Our Normal

It struck me today that "our normal" is so skewed in some ways from what a lot of families understand as normal. We always keep a container or two of Cheerios upstairs because that is the only "upstairs snack" allowed, and Maddie always wants to eat a little before falling asleep. To us, this is completely normal. She woke up hungry every night for almost the first 2 hears home. She never could eat enough to keep her tummy full all night, and so she had middle of the night bottles much much later than most kids. That has long since stopped thanks to various tactics we used (most successfully it was protein powder in her night time bottle to keep her tummy full), but she also likely spent much of those first 9 1/2 months in the orphanage NOT getting food if she was hungry at night. Babies in orphanages don't eat on demand, they eat on the set schedule. You'll eat when the other 39 babies are eating, not a minute sooner, not a minute later.

So in our house, having a snack before bed is not an argument. It's just a fact of who our child is and how her beginnings have helped to shaped her.

So today when Violet woke up from nap, I went upstairs to get her. We changed her diaper and as we walked out of the girls room, she wandered into ours. She wanted up on the bed and when I lifted her up there, she pointed at the container of cheerios. There was one on the bed so I handed her that and said "let's go get a snack". But...as I picked her up, I left the container on the bed. And that is when our "normal" popped right up. Violet's reaction to not getting the cheerios is what many people might think of as "spoiled rotten child not getting her way." Screaming, thrashing, trying to grab for the container, trying to escape from my arms... But It's not even close to that. For her, it is sheer and utter terror. You can hear it in her cries, you can see it in the look of horror on her face. For her, us walking away from that food means there is NO FOOD for her. Now now anyway. And who knows when she will get it. But we understand this- it's our "normal"- so I talk calmly to her as I carry the writhing child down the stairs, and I set her down and put together a snack of cheese and pears as quickly as I can, handing her the first piece of cheese as soon as it's cut. Instantly she is calm and happy and understands, "snack is coming, there is food." And order is restored in her world. She finishes snack, announces (with sign language) "all done" and off we go to play. Until the next familar feeling moment of terror swipes on by, when we do this dance all over again.

Right now, this is just a part of life with a child who has spent her whole life so far living in an orphanage. At some point, it will be a memory.

Hunger Strike

It finally happened. Our girl who eats everything has waged an all out hunger strike. She has stated, in adorable little girl who still cannot speak english babble, that she is D-O-N-E done with this american food. 4 weeks is quite enough thank you, now bring on the fried rice. Oh, a few cheerios are okay. And definitely those oranges. But don't you try to make me eat one bit of potato, fish, or anything else unless it has been shipped straight from China.

This started maybe 4 days ago, and I think it was the 2 year molars coming in that started it...but the pain seems to have subsided and now she has no interest in most of the foods we place in front of her. On Monday, when she would not eat a single thing at dinner, I gave up and pulled some white rice out of the fridge. This she gobbled with amazing speed. Okay, got it. You miss the rice. Noted. We'll make sure and have more of it. I had been giving her congee almost every day for at least 1 meal, but not as much in the last week.

On Tuesday, when she protested & didn't want any of the dinner we had, I pulled the rice out again. This time, it failed. She did not want any of it. She had eaten some food that day, so she wasn't starving, but she basically did not really eat any dinner. By this time we had cut the oranges down to just 1 in the morning because she decided she wanted only to eat oranges, bananas and rice crackers and nothing more.

On Wednesday, I said, no way- you must eat. She and I took a little trip to the Chinese bakery down the street and Mama won the Thursday round of competative eating with a red bean bun and a bbq pork bun. Score 1 Mama.

Today, I got out the big guns. Mama's homemade Pork dumplings. No girl can resist them. And I was right- she at them, but she only ate 2 1/2 dumplings. Still, it was enough for Mama to jump around and make a big deal out of it and reward her with an orange. I don't know if she made the connection, but hopefully she did. We'll see how she does with Salmon and potatoes tonight....

Speaking of oranges- she somehow has determined that "Juzi" (orange) and "Bizi" (nose) are the same word- so when we say "Juzi?" she points to her nose, and this means she wants an orange.. Or, she will come up to us and point to her nose, and this means she wants an orange. Very very cute....

Mixed Maturities

There is a thing in international adoption (and probably in domestic as well) that children experience called "mixed maturities". Hopefully I can accurately describe it.
It comes about when children simultaneously learn to fend for themselves at a very young age and remain helpless because they cannot really actually fend for themselves. Emotionally, they feel they are "boss" or the "leader", but in reality they are not because seriously, a 22 month old or a 36 month old or an 18 month old really cannot meet their own physical, emotional and developmental needs.

We had Violet assessed with the early childhood intervention people yesterday, and this mixed maturity became somewhat more evident through the testing. I thought the testing was actually very interesting. It is something we had voluntarily found and requested. Maddie came home at 10 months old. We felt fairly confident that she was ahead in some things and behind in others for a 22 month old (Violet that is), but given that we only had Maddie to compare to, and we really couldn't recall exactly what Maddie WAS doing at 22 months. So I took Violet to the evaluation yesterday morning. They had a translator, which I can now see what good and bad-more on that later. They asked me many questions, and after a bit said, "yes, we will evaluate her." This was surprising because I assumed the fact that we had an appointment meant for sure they would evaluate her. Guess not. So they started the tests- many more questions for me, some play activities for Violet. There was one woman to test for speech and one for physical, social and emotional development.
After they finished up all the questions (And by the way, it was HARD to answer some of them! They asked so many questions, I wish I had a preview of the questions beforehand so I could think about "okay- does she do this or not?)- so after the questions they did the scoring and then we reviewed the results.
On the physical, Social & Emotional development we saw a definite mixed bag. Some areas like motor skills (fine and gross) were both above the level for her age- I think she was somewhere around 110% or 115% or something like that, although that was considered in normal range. It makes sense- she was with older kids in her orphanage, not really any other babies except one very young one who probably didn't get out of his stroller or crib much due to his heart issue.
However, her social skills were at the bottom most level of "normal"- coming in at 85%. Again- totally expected since she was basically the only healthy baby in an orphanage with almost a dozen older mentally handicapped children.
Her speech came in all over the board. In fact, the woman evaluating her said she would not even give a score, because it would come in falsely low, and some of it was simply due to language not coming in yet. On the one hand, the evaluator kept asking more questions relating to pretty advanced skills because she kept being able to do those things (like 2-3 year old level), but then there would be a couple that were 1 1/2 year old level or 1 year old level that she could not do or was not doing. So she really was all over the board on that. Basically the results told us nothing different than what we expected- she is doing great, and has some catch up to do.
At the end of going through the results, they said "she does not qualify for services" and I had to sign a paper saying I understood she does not qualify for services. I was so surprised at the wording because to me, "does not qualify for services" sounds like a very negative aspect. Actually, I thought, that's great- she is at a high enough level in all of these that if we keep doing what we are doing, that will be fine! GREAT! Maybe that's just the more optimistic way of looking at it, but it seemed strange to phrase it as "okay, we need to let you know, she does not qualify for services...." Okay by me. We were happy to learn that our little one is not too behind on some things, and ahead on other things.

Now, the good and the bad about having the translator there. First off, John- the translator- was a very sweet and kind middle aged Chinese man. Very grandfatherly. Very nice. The two evaluators were both very very nice. If I could find a place to review them and let their managers know how fantastic and wonderful they were, I would do it in a heartbeat. Seriously, they were all just so very very nice!
After we had been there a few minutes, Violet got down on the floor (I was sitting at a table with one of the evaluators) and the other evaluator and John got down on the floor with Violet. The other evaluator was having her do some play tests (hiding a ball under a cup and asking her to find it) and John was translating. She did it a few times and suddenly just got super scared and came running to me crying. She cuddled in my lap and just buried her face in my chest and would not look at them. Her little heart was beating FAST- she was scared but I could not figure out why- nothing had happened, I had been right there just 3 feet away sitting at the table. It took her awhile to loosen up again to look at them, but she would not get down on the floor with them again. She was weepy and easily crying all the rest of the day. Nap was tough, bedtime was long. Finally about an hour into bedtime (and still waiting for her to go to sleep) it hit me- Gotchya Day.
On Gotchya day, the director brought Violet into the room where we were (just us in there with the notary and our guide) and brought her right to us. We 3 were playing on the floor with her and the director went to the end of the room and sat at a table with the notary and filled out papers. Then an hour later, the director left, and Violet's life turned upside down as she figured out she wasn't going back to the orphanage. Now here we were, yesterday, in an office, with me bringing her in, two strangers sitting on the floor trying to play and engage her and me sitting at a table with another stranger. Similarities much? Uh-yeah. A little too much. No wonder she was so scared. She must have just realized how familiar that felt and realized that last time that scenario happened, her life changed. Poor girl.
Today was MUCH better- a lot less weepy, a lot more of the girl we have been seeing.
Back to mixed maturities...
On the one hand- Violet will use a spoon and try to feed herself. She can usually get it into her mouth if I hand her a loaded spoon, but she has not worked out the scooping action. That's somewhat age appropriate. But then when she is done, if we are not on it, she will fling the dish or spoon or whatever. Usually, we are faster than she is, but not always. In the orphanage, kids don't get seconds or thirds of whatever they want. There is not likely much opportunity for them to say "I'm all done, I don't need the rest of this food." They get their dish, they eat it, the dish is taken away. And this process is more than likely a very fast process, because older kids will take younger kids food if they are not fast enough. The very concept that she can keep eating is a very new thing to Violet. So when she does get full, she is confused as to how to handle it. Thus, she throws the dish- which is developmentally, something that much younger children (maybe 10-12 month olds) do.
She is getting very good at imitating us- we did patty cake for the first time a week ago and she loves it. She is just learning "peek a boo" (yes they play peek a boo in China, but it was new to her) and doing it very much like a 1 year old child would do it. However she is learning signs with astonishing speed. She knows if she wants to eat to sign "more" or "eat". Today we have been working on the sign for "help" and she is already doing it. She learned the sign for "please" the other day when she discovered candy canes, although that is a fairly difficult concept to understand, so she doesn't really know when to use it yet. Thank you is another one like that, and although I use it with her, I don't think she really understands the concept since it's a sign you use AFTER she got what she was needing or wanting. It's time for Mama to get a few more signing times DVD's from the library and learn a few more signs!
Maddie continues to be a star with her. The only thing Violet seems to love more than Bananas (we've been going through 3 a day with her) is clementine oranges (I think we've been going through 4-5 a day on those...). I keep them in a bowl on the table so they are easy to get to after the girls finish dinner or if they need a snack. The other day Violet saw them and did not want to eat the cereal she had been eating for breakfast. I was trying to tell her, first cereal, then orange using a combination of words and charades. Maddie came over with some cereal on a spoon, gave it to Violet who happily opened her mouth for her sister, ate the cereal and smiled. So then I gave her a segment of orange. Then I was able to give her a bite of cereal and we went back and forth like this. I had been trying to coax a bite of cereal out of her for probably almost 8 minutes before Maddie tried, and it worked on her first try! My big girl to the rescue! Violet adores her sister and will do nearly anything her sister asks of her- including apparently, delaying the gratification of that ever desired orange.
Another adoption concept that was new to me just in the last year is "Family Age". There is differentiation between Chronological age, developmental age, and Family Age. The chronological age is obviously based on birthdate. Violet is 22 months old chronologically.
The Developmental age is where they are developmentally- as I said above, for Violet, this ranges between much lower than her age, her actual age, and older than her age. Various parts of her development are at different ages.
Family Age is the length of time they have been in a family, and relates to all of those skills that being in a family entails. So Violet's family age is about 1 month. So overall she is between 1 month old and maybe 28 months old. Crazy huh? Yep.
Think about all of the skills it takes to be in a family- the things you know but you don't consciously think about:
The temperature in the house will remain steady
Meals will be served at regular times
Families love each other
Parents provide for their children
You MAY have more food if you are hungry
You don't have to eat fast so that other kids won't steal your food
Someone will hold you if you cry
You will have warm clothes to wear
Your clothes will not be stolen by another kid
You have toys to play with
Your toys will not be stolen by another kid
If you get sick, someone will rock you
If you get hurt, you can cry and someone will do something to help you
If there is a cracker on the table and you leave the room, it will still be there when you get back.
You don't have to push another child away to get the attention of the person in Charge (the parent)- there is room for more than one Child in a parent's heart
If a parent gets angry, they still love you all the time
If you do something wrong, it's a momentary injustice and it doesn't mean your life will change

And so many more. Violet is barely beginning to understand these. It will probably be several months before she understands most of these. But we are helping her to learn them. Our child is 22 months old Chronologically. These are big changes for her. Imagine how a child adopted at 6 or 7 learns all of these things...

Home and doing well

The photos might not be in exactly chronoligical order, but here is a quick update of our life since coming home!
Violet did great on the flight...there might have been a little assitance from our pediatrician reccomended Benadryl on that one, but everyone was happy. She was up for a little bit in the middle of the flight and had fun playing, but slept a lot of the flight. Maddie, as expected, did amazing on the flight. There was not one time on either the long flight to China or the long flight home when she said "how much longer" or "are we there yet", etc. She just loves to fly and is an amazing traveler! Of course, I should preface that with, she had her own in seat video and got to fill her brain with cartoons the entire flight back, but regardless, she is a stellar traveler, even without the in seat movies!

We got home at Midnight on a Monday night, so there was no welcoming committee at the airport this time around! We had not even told people when our flight was, just that it was around midnight and we'd see them soon, no one offered to meet us at the airport and I can't blame them...I would have been quietly not making that promise if with was another family too! :)
We had a quiet first week back- Violet definitely thrives on her schedule, and we've been very good about making sure we really stick to it. When we don't, and she is tired or overstimulated, we all suffer- so it's good to stay on schedule. She has really turned into almost an entirely different child since we came home from China!! I say "almost" because we definitely got many sneak peaks at the amazingly sweet Violet when we were in China, but it was not our norm at the time and it's fast becoming the norm now- mostly sweet with occasional outbreaks of the rough stuff. The rough stuff is coming in bursts fewer and farther between too- and I say "rough" only to mean- if we didn't know what it was all about, and were not prepared, then it would be rough. Since we were prepared for the rough stuff, it's just "stuff" that is a part of her learning what it's like to be a part of a family for the first time in her life. Her little life has turned completely upside down and it truly astounds me that in just 5 short weeks we see maybe 90% amazingly sweet cute funny Violet, and stressed out greiving Violet only a very tiny bit of the time. I would dare any adult to try that and see how they handle it. I've been making congee and she has lots of chinese rice crackers for snacks, but aside from that, literally everything in her life, from foods and people to sights and sounds and smells, has changed and it changed for her nearly overnight. To see how loving she is to her sister that just 3 weeks ago she was hitting and biting at every opportunity, and to watch her shrink away from strangers that 3 weeks ago she would have gone home with in a heartbeat, is astounding and heartwarming.

I have said it before, but I will say it again- it's a true miracle that we have been allowed to be parents to the two most amazing girls. Madeline is ever forgiving when her sister does slide back and hit her (oh yes there are tears, but the recovery is fast, and there are loving actions back to little sister just minutes after the trauma), loving of her sister, and while it is tough on her to go from being the only child to sharing Mama and Baba all the time, she is handling it amazingly well. Violet is sweet and darling and funny and such a fast learner. Both girls are starting to play together a bit, but more than that, they hug often and you can see the bond that they have already. We are so lucky to have such beautiful little souls in our family!

Violet had her first taste of pancakes and Maple Syrup the first weekend home- Yes everyone- it was Vermont Maple Syrup....do you think we'd have anything else?? And yes, she loved it. She learned to dip, but she soon gave that up and picked up the little dish and just drank it straight. Ah...a girl after my own heart. Just wait until we take her to visit a sugar shack for the first time and she tastes it fresh from the big tub all steamy and hot... oh bestill my heart!

These sister hugs are 99% of the time spontaneous. We always tell the girls to give each other a hug when Violet goes to bed (she goes to be 30 minutes before Maddie), but during they day, they are always spontaneous and both girls are usually laughing when hugging!

We went to a birthday party last weekend for a little boy Maddie's age- and both girls got a pair of these star sunglasses. Violet adored them!


There has been a lot of dress-up activity in our house lately- Maddie was doing a fancy dance and Violet was just having fun in her pink tutu!

This dancing is serious business- Maddie loves to stage little performances for us! And we love to watch!

We pulled all the pillows off the couches and chairs and had fun bouncing on them. It may look like Violet is crying, but this was a giant belly laugh!

We had the opportunity to see a dear friend's mom's house (after massive remodel due to a flood) up on Cooper Spur last weekend- Violet got her first taste of snow. As adorable as she was in this, we didn't expect there would be snow so we hadn't prepared, and the girls were not very warmly dressed. Violet was NOT interested beyond a few minutes of touching it and wanted to be held! She was not as amused by the snow as Maddie who clearly loves snow!

It looks like Maddie is pulling her hair, but this was right after a hug...

Violet is an amazing eater- she decided she loved Salmon Pot Pie- especially the crust!

I've been getting tips from some of the amazing teachers at Maddie's daycare for a sensory box- this week we have dried beans, spoons & scoops. Violet loves playing in it- sometimes next to it, sometimes sitting in it to play!

She had her first taste of Yogurt- and liked it enough to pretend she was Santa with it... Although, I have to say the bananas I had mixed with the yogurt were more exciting for her than the yogurt!

Goodbye Guangzhou

We said goodbye to Guangzhou in the early hours of the morning today and now we are on our way to the Hong Kong airport. It is time- my family is ready to be home. Everyone is tired, our amazing traveler Maddie has switched to eating only white rice and tomatoes over the last few days after being a wonderful eater and trying new foods at every meal, and our little one desperately needs the normalcy of a schedule in her life- something that is very difficult on an adoption trip!
So goodbye China- we'll miss you, but we are happy to be getting home.
We have more photos, so I'll be posting them soon!

Visit to Gaozhou

We are now in Gaozhou and have had a great visit to the place Maddie was born.  We drove here on Wednesday with our new (and amazing) guide, Bob.  He is Xixi's nephew, which will only mean something to a few people, but Xixi is pretty famous in the adoption world for family searches and history searches and such.  He was previously an adoption guide for Heritage Adoptions and for one other agency, both of whom went out of business within a month of each other a few years back.  We were lucky he decided to stay in the adoption business because he has been a fantastic guide for us, and Maddie adores him.  Our driver Lee is pretty amazing too- he is the first driver on this trip that has been interactive with us and chatty with the girls- he seems to have quite the soft spot for Violet, and teases Maddie too which makes her laugh.

We arrived early afternoon Wednesday & had lunch at a restaurant next to the hotel. We got the girls down for naps and went for dinner at another somewhat close by restaurant.  After dinner, we came back to the hotel and walked across the street to the big park.  They have lots of childrens activities for young children along one side, and dancing in the center on a raised stage.  We walked along the edge first and Maddie tried her hand at catching some fish in a little pool there for 3 yuan, then she swung on some swings for 2 yuan, then she made a sand painting for 3 yuan.  A good hours worth of fun for about $1.20 total!

Afterwards we walked over to see the dancing- Maddie enjoyed watching it but did not want to try. She was just very intent on taking it all in!

This morning we met our Gaozhou friends XiaoLing and her daughter Diana for breakfast.  We mostly email with her husband, XiaoMing, because he has good english, but he just got a job in Shenzhen, so we just met up with XiaoLing and Diana. Diana is just 5 months older than Madeline.  XiaoLing is beautiful and sweet although my lack of Chinese and her accent meant there wasn't much direct communication without Bob helping us.  Diana is a sweetie and she and Maddie were having fun playing with some balloons we found there at the restaruant.  We said goodbye to them after breakfast and walked to visit Maddie's orphanage.  We knew it was very close, it was only after we had been there that we could see that it was within view of our room.

First we met with the assistant director, then a few others, including the main director.  There was some question about finding Liu Xue Ling (Maddie's ayi), when all of a sudden she walked in the room!  I recognized her right away and I think she was also happy to see us!  She thanked me many times over the time we were there for coming to visit and bringing Maddie, and about how beautiful Maddie is.  We went to visit the two rooms with the children and saw lots of babies!  They said currently they have around 60 children at the orphanage, in the two baby rooms there were 39 beds with children in them between the two rooms.  The youngest baby was born the day we met Violet- October 24- she was so tiny!   All of the babies had recently shaved heads because it has been so hot, it helps to keep the babies cooler.  Several babies with cleft lip and cleft palate, a few healthy babies, and some they told us with other special needs.  One little boy looked like he had a prematurely fused skull-but I'm really not sure- it really breaks your heart to think about how treatable that is if taken care of early, but this little one won't have that opportunity.  He was more than likely over a year old.  His head was very long and conical like, it's hard to say what his future will be.  One other VERY engaging little boy who was just a comedian, maybe 2 years old or not quite, they said had brain problems.  Such a shame, he was so sweet, but also may likely spend his whole life in an institution.

 

Maddie got to see the place she lived as a baby, the Ayi's at work taking care of the babies, and most importantly, her Ayi.  She was a sweet woman and we are happy to have seen her again.  The lead Ayi came over to see us before we left and showed us that she had some pictures of Maddie on her phone from when she was in the orphanage! It was such a sweet surprise for us!  We got one photo by text and are still working on getting the others.

 

We went out afterwards to buy some supplies for the orphanage to use- 3 fans and 3 cooktops (double burner type).  We found out that because this is a county orphanage, they do not get much government funding, so donations from families really help a lot.

We went for lunch with the Assistant director afterwards and had a nice time.  It was our first meal on this trip in a private room, so we were able to just let Violet walk and it made for a more enjoyable and relaxed meal for all of us!

 

After lunch we came back to the hotel to nap, then went to meet XiaoLing and Diana at the Pagoda.  We did not climb up, but played around the base of it for awhile and let the girls play together.  We went to a children's park/play area after and the girls had fun playing.  Violet had her first carousel ride and SCREAMED when it was over and she had to get off!  She definitely enjoyed it!

 

It was too late to go to the temple after because it was closed, so we just went to dinner all together- By this time Maddie and Diana had become best of friends and Maddie held Diana's hand going up the stairs in the restaurant.  We had a great dinner and had fun playing with the automatic Mah Jhong table (which is unbelieveable and amazing...)

On the walk back to the hotel afterwards, we walked by a hair salon and Bob joked, "want to get your hair cut?", and I said, actually, Maddie would love to. So I asked her, and she enthusiastically nodded her head YES she definitely wanted a hair cut.  Jeremy took Violet to the room and Maddie and I went to get Maddie's first hair cut in China!  She sat very still and enjoyed a very professional hair cut for the super high price of 10 yuan (about $1.50)- it looks cute and she is very proud! I took some video so we could show Baba when we got back to the room. 

 

It's been a long day, and we are so happy that we came to Gaozhou.  Tomorrow we will visit Diana's Kindergarten, and in the afternoon we'll head back to Guangzhou.  We'll be sorry to say goodbye to Bob, having him along for this part of the trip has definitely been a highlight for our time in China!

Guangzhou at last- The Medical exam

On Saturday morning our first order of business was a Visa photo, after that we went a few doors down to the Medical exam center for Adopted Children. This part of the process was identical to when I was here for Madeline, so I let Jeremy be the primary person to go through this with Violet.  First there was the "waiting in the hall" until we were called to go into the main waiting room. Then we waited there until they ushered us into the main body checking rooms where they checked heart and general body stuff.  Next was the Ear/nose/throat room.  they had a little kids keyboard to check for hearing- they hit a key and if the child turned their head they could hear. VERY scientific.  She looked in both Violet's ears and tried to check her throat with a tongue depressor, but without much luck.  Lastly was height and weight. I didn't get to see what Violet's height was, but her weight was 9.6 kg.  Much lighter than the 11 kg the orphanage told us, but we had already figured that out! We had estimated her to be about 9.7 or 9.8 based on our not very calibrated hotel scale in Hangzhou.  Turns out she is just about .6 kg more than what Maddie weighed when she came home at 10 months!  And Violet is 21 months old...guess it's a good thing we didn't get rid of those 9-12 month clothes yet!

Thursday in Hangzhou-The amazing Garden and Lin Ying temple

On Thursday we visited Linying temple- we had to go in through a garden first, but the garden was really a wonderful surprise for us! I had expected it would be a basic kind of garden that we've seen so far in China, but were surprised to see cliff walls carved with beautiful buddha images! Of course like every other place in Hangzhou, it was completely crowded with tourists, but we really enjoyed looking at the beautiful carvings surrounded by lush vegetation.  There was a small brook running along the path that we walked to get to the temple, and it really just made the scene perfect!

The Temple itself was one of the larger ones I've been in in my life- multiple levels, an active temple with many monks living there and working there.  There were still lots of tourists, but we could also find some quiet courtyards off to the sides and we picked one to let Violet out of her Ergo carrier prison to run around. She was very happy for the break!  After we'd been there  short time several monks started coming into the courtyard to go into the main building there, so we left after a short time so they could have quiet for their prayer! Did I mention Violet has some serious lungs on her? She can screech with joy at an incredible decible. it's wonderful to see her happy and doing so well, but sometimes we feel sorry for the other people around us who are more than likely not very accustomed to the sudden outbursts of shreiking joy!

 

Thursday and Friday- Wu Zhen Water town & Flying to Guangzhou

On Thursday we opted to add another excursion with our guide to a water town not too far from Hangzhou.  We should of known that it would also be touristy, but to me at least it was still a small surprise! The water town was beautiful- apparently there are quite a few water towns around Hangzhou and Shanghai, and they are very popular with tourists, but I believe our tour guide told us that this was one of the most popular ones.  It was quite beautiful, and interesting that quite a few people lived in houses that were right on the main walkway where tourists trampled through day after day, looking in windows and doorways.  Jessica suggested that maybe some of them have just has much interest to look at the people on the outside, as the people on the outside do looking at those on the inside!

As we walked in we saw a man doing a form of kung fu on a high bamboo pole- it was a surprise and very lucky indeed as they do it only twice a day, so we came at just the right time!  We tried some Hangzhou specialty rice treats with a bit of red bean inside- Maddie was very excited to taste it and had a few bites, then passed it over...then she thought better of it and wanted it back and I think she ate nearly the whole thing!  they wrapped it in edible rice paper, so she did not want to eat the paper, but she did like the treat in the end.  Violet liked it although she only had a few small bites- but Violet seems to like nearly anything, except perhaps plain congee!

We had some simple but very tasty noodles in the water town, and Maddie loved the broth.  She ate quite a few noodles, but drank nearly all of a big bowl of broth!  Violet likes noodles, but this was not an 'eating' meal for her.  The super calm and quiet girl that we saw on the first day is definitely coming out of her shell. I might say, "the other shoe has dropped."  She is definitely starting to greive, and it's sad to see, but it's usually followed by cuddling in very close with me, which is also good.  She is quickly becoming a Mama's girl, but she adores her Baba too.  If he comes out of the restroom she will shriek BABA! and go running towards him!  We have had a couple of "non eating meals" where she just does not want to eat much of anything. I think it's a bit of greiving because it's just "not right"- same with the bottle.  We went to several stores and finally found the Yi Li formula that she had been on in the orphanage, but she still will not take it, even though she screams and cries for her bottle.  When we went in one store looking for it and she saw bottles on the shelves, (I had her in the ergo) she started screaming and kicking and hitting and scratching trying to get to the bottles.  She just wanted it THAT bad, but then we get it to her, and she does not want it.  It's a mystery and we have tried all temperatures, 3 different bottles, various nipples, more open holes (cut them larger), letting her hold it, holding her for it, etc.  Nothing seems to work at this point.  Jessica called the assistant director 3 separate times asking for any more possible clarification (temperature? Any special bottle, etc)- but basically nothing more than what we already knew.

She is doing a lot of hitting and throwing things, but in just 4 days she has learned "gentle touch"- when she pulls her arm back to hit we say it and she usually will stop and softly pet her face or one of us and smile, really proud she knows what to do.  Or, if we don't get her to stop in time before hitting, she will do it after and we give her lots of praise.  Maddie unfortunately has really been taking the brunt of her abuse- she is not as quick so if something is picked up and thrown, it often gets her if she is in the vicinity  She has gotten hit and kicked quite a lot.  But the jealousy we saw in the first few days is amazingly less already. We really are just astounded and amazed and so proud of her- she just lets it roll off her or she will move away- I think she sees us acting on it and we have talked about how we need to set the example for Violet of how we behave in our family.  We could not be more proud of our big girl! Yesterday she hit Maddie and I instantly took her hand and said "gentle touch" and she pulled her hand away and started softly petting her face then petting Maddie- Maddie was SO excited she ran to tell Jeremy saying "Baba!  Violet hit me, then we told her gentle touch and she did it!!!"

It's amazing to see how well she is handling it.  There is definitely still jealousy, but not nearly on the scale it was in the first few days.  We are making sure that she is getting some "big sister priveledges" as we talk to her also about the "big sister responsibilities" (of being the bigger person when your baby sister hits you and helping her to learn...).  It's definitely helping.

Violet at the same time is definitely coming out as more of the girl that we know she is.  She is quiet in the mornings, and when not overstimulated, but has a wonderful sense of humor and absolutely shrieks with happiness when she is having fun.  Her shriek can probably be heard in the next town over!  She has a beautiful smile and Maddie is really starting to genuinely enjoy her sister- she is so excited every morning when she wakes up she says "is my Baby up yet?  Is Violet awake?" and wants to wake her up to play with her.

On friday we visited a temple in Hangzhou (pictures to come tomorrow perhaps) and flew in the evening to Guangzhou.  After checking with our hotel before booking whether they had a baby bed, we arrived at 11 pm and they told us, "no, we don't have a baby bed..."  There was a big discussion and we just finally decided we'd just have Violet sleep in our bed and Maddie would have her same bed on the floor that she loves in hotels. 

Will update more with pictures of the Temple in Hangzhou, and our Saturday outing in Guangzhou!