8.08.08

And now the Olympics have started. It's an interesting place I've found myself in. Lately I have been thinking about how life takes you sometimes, rather than you directing where you think you want to or might plan to go. 20 years ago, if someone told me I'd be traveling the world I would think they were crazy. I was living in a small town in a small state, and I didn't know just what I wanted to do, but I knew there must be something more.

7 years ago I was living in China for 3 months when the Olympics committee announced that the 2008 Olympics would be held in China. The joy and excitement that we all greeted this news with was pure and true. I was living in an apartment with colleagues from China, Vietnam and Indonesia, and everyone was rejoicing for such exciting news for China. I was still in China a month later when the twin towers in NY came down.

3 years ago this month I started the process to adopt my daughter from China. A process that started as an estimated 1 year undertaking, and so far has lasted 3 years and still going.

3 months ago I was in China when the Chengdu earthquake struck, killing more than 70,000 people.

In these years I have changed so much as a person. I've watched a US tragedy occur while living in China, and I've watched a Chinese tragedy while in China. Neither is better, both are unbelieveably hard when you feel so tied to both countries. I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I have learned the value of solitary time and the importance of friends and family. I have learned that sometimes it's best to let life take you, rather than to dictate it's path. I have watched families form and felt helpless as families were torn apart by disaster. On the one hand, life has taken me and led me on this path. On the other hand, I have learned to be open to let it.

I have learned to take solace in quiet mountain paths, and time spent in my garden, of early morning trips to farmers market and friday afternoons berry picking, in the loud squealing giggles of 3 year olds, and the joy of true friendships. I've learned of the joy of speaking chinese in China, of hiking through bamboo forests in China and exploring temples in Thailand, and people watching all over the world. Exploring Churches and Cathedrals in Germany and Paris, and learning the Tango in a flat in Italy, of opening up and truly enjoying life because there is so much to enjoy, and so little to dislike.

When they announced the 2008 Olympics would be in China, I had no idea at the time how profoundly this would affect my life. In the past 3 years I have felt many times that the slowdown is mostly due to the Olympics and putting on a good face for the world. I am sad if that is true, but I do understand why it would be done. I have heard people say "Oh I flew back from China recently and the plane was FULL of babies adopted from China!!!" Only to find out "FULL" meant there were 5 or 6 families. Perception is key. Perception and interpretation. And this I believe is what China has tried to prevent- misinterpretation of events. I'm not angry about the longer wait. I am sad that it may mean more children need to wait longer for their forever families, but the wait has given me many opportunities. I have strengthened friendships, been able to prepare more fully for my child, and I have continued to grow as a person. I am more ready to become a Parent to my child.

Coming up on the Olympics, I have felt trepidation about how I would feel. Would I be angry? Would I be relieved to see the Olympics finish? Many people I know have struggled with similar feelings. But tonight, we gathered together, our little group of single adoptive mamas and waiting mamas to be, to watch and celebrate together the opening ceremony of the Olympics in Beijing. As I sat on the floor with one of the little girls on my lap, I felt nothing but pure joy and elation once again for China and the people of China. It was that feeling from 7 years ago, rushing back in. I also felt such extreme fortune that we were so lucky for the little ones in our lives, and how truly special they are. I leaned forward and gave Eva an extra squeeze as I thought about how these girls have already enriched my life so. We all counted down with the drummers on TV to the start, and we all rejoiced in the amazing performance put on for the opening. And I realize, that even though this wait is not what I expected, and I am indeed tired from waiting, and ready to become a parent, I can continue to wait, and see where life leads me. I will continue to learn, as long as I remember to keep my eyes open, and let life lead me.