Where's her real mother?

And other annoying questions....I've been lucky to not be subject to too many of these just yet, but I've heard plenty of stories.

But there's also the other side. The people who truly get it. I have an old (not so old, I'm 2 weeks older than she is!) and dear friend who is trying to conceive. She and her partner are also considering adoption, in the event the TTC attempts continue to remain unsuccessful, and possibly additionally (even if they do conceive) for their 2nd child. This friend has been aware of my journey through adoption from the early plans to the present day, and has met our daughter as well. She is no stranger to adoption, and she is well learned and knowledgeable of the special needs and special losses that adoptees have suffered before finding their forever families. It is because of this understanding that she seems to have any trepidation about making it a first choice. Very few people ever "get" this before they are full fledged into the process, so she needs to be applauded for really acknowledging these issues and understanding them so early. I think her path to parenthood is perfect for her. I wish it were easier for she and her partner, they will make such loving parents! But whether they conceive or adopt, they will be fantastic at it. (Of course with the same learning curve we all have.) All of this is just "background" info for the tiny little snippet I have to say today!

I admit, that sometimes while reading TTC blogs and I see things like "I won't conceive, I guess we'll just be childless" and "we've been trying for 4 years now to conceive..." my inner voice just wants to yell, "Are you SO shallow that you must have a child who shares your DNA or it's no child at all????" I admit, sometimes I really DON'T get it! I wish I did! Becuase I do know (and agree!) that adoption is not for everyone! But it just bothers me that so much of the time adoption is really a last resort...and sometimes only after years of trying to concieve.

I guess the way I justify it is this: If you have a child in a hospital, and you find out when they are 15 that your child was switched with another family's child in the hospital, and this child is not biologically yours, which child IS yours? Is it the one you've cared for and loved and nurtured for 15 years? Or is it the one to which you are biologically related? Well technically both, but which one are you MAMA to? You aren't Mama to the biological child. You are a biological mother. But you are MAMA to that child you raised from birth.

So when you consider that you want a child, you want to become a parent, raise a child, teach them your values, teach them to become an active and strong person in your community and help them become the person they are meant to become- is DNA really such a vital part of that? I guess that is where I have a hard time to understand the importance of conceiving when people are trying for years and years. When you try for a year and say, "hey, this isn't working, let's look at our options", I think that's different. But the "we'll just be childless, I'll give up my dreams of being a parent"- that I really just don't get. Because the unspoken message here is I don't want to raise "someone elses child".

So anyway, back to my point. With all this in mind, I was thrilled to see a somewhat offhand comment she made on her blog last week, and I just felt tingles down my arms when I read it. She was talking about her indecision between pursuing IF for a 2nd round or making the choice to start to look into a foster adopt program....and I read this...

(I'm hearing) the growing voice of "forget this IF crap, your real kids are waiting for you, bring them home;"

Thank you Amy. Your real kids are the ones you love the best, and who love you the best. Whether they grow in your body or in your heart. Thank you for "getting" it.