It's been a busy month since we've started daycare and I started back to work... Maddie is settling in pretty well to daycare. I have learned that you need to be much more direct with daycare (at least ours) and I realize how little most people know about children coming from institutionalized settings. I shouldn't be surprised, I didn't know much either before I started the whole process, but when you spend so much time focused in learning about something, it becomes so ingrained that you begin to forget that everyone is not as in tune with the same stuff that you are.
So earlier this week at daycare one of the two teachers said to me, "Maddie doesn't like to stay on her cot if she wakes up early from nap." Okay let's review first off- she is 13 months old. they have them in cots. Just putting that out there. Maybe that's normal, but it was surprising to me when we started that she would be napping on a cot. So back to this conversation: She doesn't like staying on her cot. Here goes the rest: "We encourage the kids to stay on their cots if they wake up and read books or play quietly. (Uh....Maddie LOVES books, but she again is 13 months and if I'm not reading it with her, it will last about a minute and a half. Are there other 13 month olds who are reading?)
At this point I tried to explain to the teacher, "Well, one thing to consider is that she spent the first 9 1/2 months of her life in an orphanage. And there is a very good chance that she likely spent 20-22 hours of every day in a crib. So if she's awake and she is able, she is not going to want to stay confined to a cot." The teacher just looked at me and said "oh."
The point is, I'm not making excuses for my child. She will need to learn to follow rules and listen to teachers, but at the same time, some of the rules need to be held in context. While some 1 year olds may happily sit on a cot, a child who has "new freedom" may not. And that is not a lesson to be learned in just a few weeks, but probably over a few months. There are two teachers in her classroom right now. They are both nice, they are both good, but one is definitely better at listening than the other. So for now, when I hear things like this, I try to gently explain why she might be having certain reactions. The "less good" teacher has mentioned on numerous occasions about Maddie crying out in her sleep and that it wakes the other kids. Really? What can I possibly do about this? I'm sorry the other kids are being woken up. I know there are days they wake her up. But the crying out in her sleep, more than anything I want this to subside, so how is fussing about it to me helping any of us? It's not, it's just that it's inconveniencing her. She has also complained a couple times that she takes too long to take her bottle. I think that complaint comes from me being one of the two parents whose children needs their bottle held for them. The other little one just doesn't hold her bottle, and I was clear from the first day that I did not want her holding her own bottle. I don't think that this teacher really truly understands the reason (her bio baby who goes to this daycare and gets to breastfeed all day long will CERTAINLY hold his own bottle when he is old enough...), but I think the other teacher does.
I'm learning quickly that I need to be the strongest advocate for my child. So this means slowly educating them on adoption specific information that they previously have not had exposure to. The learning curve was steep, but things are getting easier.
On the flip side, we are into our 4th week of daycare and our 3rd week being sick. Maddie has the nose that won't stop and a cough that sounds wretched, but we now have meds for it, and I went today to the Dr and found out I have bronchitis, AGAIN.
Now, the reason there are no photos in this post is another excitement in our lives.... I was checking one last thing the other night on the computer when one of our Kitties jumped up on the table (a forbidden thing anyway!) and knocked my glass of wine right onto the Keyboard! Yikes! computer seems to work, keyboard has some keys that work and some that don't. However, all of my photos are on my laptop, so I don't currently have any access to them.
In other Kitty news, we had to find a new home for Josie. He was already considerably stressed about going and staying with Jeremy and his kitties at his house when I was in China, but add to it the kitties coming back to his house afterwards, a brand new screaming baby, and random realtors & clients dropping by to look at the house. All in all, it was not a happy time for him. He'd lost 3 lbs since February, was not taking care of himself, and started spraying. No one was happy, least of all him. The vet advised finding a new home for him. So, we found a family who took him to their parents in Washington. they are in their 60's, retired, the youngest grandchild is 7 or 8, and they don't visit often, and the couple occasionally heads out of town on weekends, and there are no other animals. Just exactly Josie's cup of tea. but, I do miss him. He was my sweet sweet kitty, and I'm sure by now he is getting back to his sweet (albeit LOUD!) self again, and taking full reign of the house.
And finally, No, we still do not have offers on either house. Two houses listed now for 8 weeks and no offers. It's getting frustrating as we approach the wedding. I worry that we'll have ample guest accomodations for the wedding. No, in theory that's not a bad thing, but it would mean houses still on the market, and that IS a bad thing. Not sure what to do next, but Sunday is an open house at Jeremy's, so hopefully it will draw some people.
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7 comments:
Hi there
I can tell you - you are doing the right thing - you will have to "train" the teachers everywhere you go...esp in the first few months home (and with a little one).
There are some great srticles here:
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/clip.php
scroll down for the ones for teachers
Also, I would type up a one or 2 page document and give it to the director as well as her teacher (they change so often sometimes...) that way they understand bonding/night terrors/confinement...etc...and you know that they have been "educated" (always include the director of the school)too
...Good Luck! and stick to your guns!
Carol in FL
Kelli - I wish you all the best in educating your daycare providers. Go with your gut and keep being Maddie's best advocate. We are on our second provider because our Maddie was not at all comfortable at the first place. Once we switched to her current babysitter, she started flourishing.
I have had to go into our day care a few times and "advocate." You will just make it part of your routine.
Sorry about the houses not selling. Same issue over here.
As a licensed daycare provider for 12 years I encourage you to find a different daycare situation right away. Most daycares do have illnesses for 10 out of 12 months a year or more, but not mine because I teach about germs. You learn not to put your fingers in your nose and mouth and to wash your hands, use a tissue, and I have enforce my sick policy.
A 13 yr. old should not be on a cot, but in a crib because they can get up and if they are in a room with a closed door, they can get up and do dangerous things. I, too, have a policy that the kids need to stay on their mats quietly when they wake up, but only at an age where they completely understand this. Babies (under 18 - 24m) sleep and wake as they need to and shouldn't be left in their beds after waking.
If you have to teach your childcare providers this much, they aren't qualified, in my opinion. I wouldn't want ANY 13 month old left on a cot.
Now having said that, I will say again that my older daycare kids so need to stay on their mats. This gives me the only semi-break I get all day long, time to prepare meals/snacks, straighten up or tend to the younger kids who may already be awake.
There is no excuse for illness in daycare if the legal and correct methods and precautions are taken. Most of all handwashing, several times a day by the providers and children. Lots of fresh air. As bad as this may sound, no hugging between the kids because they will share germs quite readily with that close proximity, toys shared by younger kids should be cleaned and sanitized EVERY DAY!!! as should eating places. Parents should also wash their hands and their child's hands upon entering your own home and regularly clean doornobs, steering wheels, phones, railings, etc... I have 6-8 kids and only in winter are my kids ever ill and it doesn't last long and it doesn't spread to all the kids.
Ugh. Sounds nasty. I wish I was close enough to help out--I have done daycare in my home (one or two additional children, never more) for too many years to count (more than 20!) and we'd love to have Maddie here! With all this blue, I'd love to have some pink around. We have a ball, and as a bonus, we're almost never sick. Wanna move this direction? :)
Hang in there. Good advice to type up something and make sure the providers have it available. You can't teach too much. Good daycare providers should be willing to learn!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! Of course, I am sorry to know of the difficulties you are having, but it helps to know we're not alone. We also have a 13 month old. We've been home from China since April and started daycare at the beginning of this month. It's been a rough transition with many of the same challenges you've described (minus the cot thing - our day care uses pack & plays). We're doing our best to communicate our daughter's special circumstances, but I think it will be helpful to read the articles provided by Chinazhoumom.
Thanks again for posting on what can be a difficult topic, and I hope that things improve for you & your little one!
-Beth
You are doing the right thing- keeping being "present" and advocating what she needs. And, at the end of the day, accept that some people JUST DON"T GET IT! I have left daycare hopping mad some days, and others I jsut smile and nod. I am pretty sure that they have a pin cushion with my likeness on it- but all I care about it my daughter. She has been in daycare since late Sept 08, and it was a long winter with constant colds, and issues with her biting, etc... But, we kept at it, and have gotten over the hump. No colds in 5 months- and she acts like she owns the joint, now. So, sounds like you are doing everything right, but in the end, if they don't measure up- be sure to let them know. Love your blog.
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