So I have been out of the bloggy world a bit lately as I've been feeling pretty disconnected from the whole adoption process. That is going to happen when you get to 19 months and no clear end in sight. Oh I know it's going to happen, but honestly, if I hear or read one more "Oh you just WAIT until you get your baby! All the memories of those months and months (try years and years) of waiting will just go out the window! You'll forget all about the wait! " and I swear I'm gonna reach through the computer and slap them silly. And you thought I was just a sweet girl who baked & canned. No it's true, the wait has gotten to me. Even as I try to celebrate every month as "another month down", it is difficult. I actually held my breath when my sister called a few days ago because I had this idea she was going to tell me she was pregnant. She wasn't, but can you believe it? What a terrible thing that I would be worried about that!!! It's just the place that I'm in right now I guess.
So, I need to get out of this funk. I need to feel like there is forward progress, even if it's only on this side of the ocean that there is forward progress happening. Any ideas out there? I have been terribly remiss in keeping my blog updated, as well as keeping up with my bloggy friends.
Today my meager attempt at getting some excitement back in my life was to go to Ikea. Our Ikea just opened in July, and today is the first I've dared make the trip. ooh I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ikea!!! And I was not let down! I found 4 more long pieces of (live) bamboo. I have been living quite unharmoniously with only 4 bamboo for several months since 4 of the 8 I originally bought died. There is irony in this. I bought 8 about 2 years ago when I was at the Ikea in Seattle. I was in Seattle for an Adoption related class at my agency, and I went to Ikea, where I bought 8 Lucky Bamboo. Lucky because Bamboo is considered lucky, but also because in China, 8 is a lucky number. So another important number in China is 4. 4 is to the Chinese as unlucky as 13 is to Americans. Know how some tall buildings in the US don't have 13th floors? well....some buildings in China don't have a 4th floor, and some others that do have a 4th floor have the #4 written only, no chinese character. The reason is that "4" in Chinese is "Si". Death in chinese is also "Si"- so they make the connection & say that for that reason, 4 is a bad luck number. So do you see the irony in the fact that 4 (si) of my 8 lucky bamboo Died (si)....yeah... So I bought 4 more today so I'm finally back up to 8 again. I also bought this great art smock that a friend of mine uses on her daughter as a bib (so CLEVER!), some sweet little mini stuffed animal friends that I plan to stuff in an envelope & send off to my cutest ever Niece Molly, and a few other fun baby things...including some plastic kid dishes! I talked to Cindy shortly after & she said that she completely understood the shopping therapy, and it explains the reason that Dumpling had a FULL closet of clothes when she came home!!!
So, after Ikea it was off to the grocery store to shop for a big birthday dinner tomorrow- today is my Roomate Jim's 25(?)th birthday. However, he is off partying with a whole lot of work friends & running friends, so we are celebrating tomorrow with Rhubarb Glazed Pork Roast, roasted carrots & Beets, roasted red potatoes with some fantastic (yet unknown) Israeli spice gifted to me a few years ago, and finishing with his favorite two flavors combined into a cake: Chocolate Peanut butter cake with Cream cheese & Butterfinger frosting.
But...tonight it's just me at home, wrapping a few gifts, cleaning the house, and enjoying some roasted golden acorn squash, sauteed shitake & crimini mushrooms, topped with some amazing balsamic glaze from Trader Joes, and a glass of Chateau de Sancerre...quite lovely.
Would love to hear how everyone else is doing with the wait...
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14 comments:
I'm drooling over the thought of your chocolate peanut butter cake!!!
What am I doing while I wait? When I'm not obsessing about it, I'm trying to paint, take the kids out to the beach or park, read, and trying to live in a happy - ignorant state!!!
Wow! The meal you are having on your own, and the meal you are planning (or were -- sorry didn't look at the date of the post!) both sound amazing. IKEA is ALWAYS good for the soul especially if you haven't been there for awhile.
Hi. Our LID is very close to yours and luckily I am not waiting for my first child. If I was I would be nuts by now. It seems so far away that we don't even have a nursery set up yet. Can't seem to motivate myself to do it. Most of the time I try to not think about it much.
Randi LID 2/28/06
I've been pretty resilient these last 19 months as well, but this past week, The Wait has knocked me over, especially on Wednesday. I cried way too much on Wednesday. My remedy for this funk? Planning a solo trip in December, doing what I can't do (for another decade or so?) after our girls are home.
I'm sorry you're in this funk. It sucks. And there's no way around it; we have to go through it to come out on the other side.
Happy Birthday to Jim!
Your posts always make me so hungry!
I am doing about like you... in a fun, spending money and cooking. I noticed the other day I totally crossed the street when I saw someone who will ask me about Tate for the thousands time this month. I know it is for conversation and not meant in harm, but really how often do I need to tell her is will be many in a year. What a great meal you are making! Post the recipes!
Our Ikea opened in May... I go there weekly even thought it is about a 20 min ride from my house. Love just looking and imagining.
I am watching way too much TV,
eating way too much junk/comfort food (nothing like the goodies you're having), and buying way too much stuff. I am at the point now, where I've bought so much I am into my second gigantic Rubbermaid container. I am actually giving some of it away.
It sucks.
Uhmmm... the wait sucks. Usually I do okay. But now...not so much. You can skim around blogland to see how so many of us are in a funk right now. Apparently it's very contagious and has reached epidemic proportions. LOL!
You're dinner sounds yummy. Happy birthday to the roomie. Buttercream icing is my fave too.
The wait bites...still I'd love a bite of that cake.
So my sweet, canning LID mate. If you were going to throw something canned at me for saying 'the wait will just vanish' what would it be?
If you coat it in chocolate I won't even mind ;0)
Kelli!!
Get that creative cooking over here!! I've got an unopened container of Vermont Maple Syrup waiting for your inspiration -- and I know you've got it. Maybe some of those stick buns you posted awhile back will do?!
I'm so happy you're coming to visit me here in little old Amsterdam! I'm sure you'll find some fabulous baby clothes here and in Paris, too =o)
(bottom line -- don't let Kelli fool you, she's doing a great job keeping herself and the rest of us occupied!!!)
Hugs and kisses!
Paul & Simon
Kelli,
it's ok to want to throw things at people....really we all wanted to do that.
I remember being overwrought with the wait... It was like I constantly had a headache.
I ate a lot. (paid for that, I'll tell ya...)
Do whatever it takes...that's my suggestion..
You are definalty treating Jim better than all 4 of his sisters put together. Thanks! Hey you'd be proud of us, Kev borught home this huge box of apples from the farmers market we have been making apple sauce and apple butter, plus one pie all week. Sorry the wait is getting to you. I love those plastic plates from Ikea. Did you get the colored one's? The only problem I had is I would grab one color plate and another color fork or spoon and my daughter would have none of that- everything had to match.
Some days I feel that my daughter is waiting for me in the next room and other days I don't feel her near. I call these near and far days. It sounds like you are having far days lately.
On far days, I focus on myself, the things I like to do, sometimes things I won't be able to do once my daughter arrives, like go see two long movies in a row, or go out to the beach very, very late at night.
I hope you ate a cinnamon bun at IKEA at the cafe near the exit. They are the BEST!!!
My IKEA is directly next door to my favorite movie theater. I first get a grilled chicken grande bowl at Rubios, then eat is slowly (it's huge) while watching the first movie, sit through the next one without eating anything, then go next door and get my cinnamon bun and eat it on the way to my car. I won't be doing this once I'm a mom, will I?
Hey, you - we've got a prezzie for you! Will you be around this weekend?
P.S. - we love IKEA too. Even Shaomei (if by IKEA you include the cream sauce...)
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